Narcissistic people are in two words- utterly horrible. You know when you have this one experience in life, and you are like ‘That was hands down the worst thing to ever happens on me, and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.’ Usually, whenever people make this comment, they might be referring to something very traumatic like being kidnapped by a serial killer and being saved in the nick of time or being raped. Lately, though, there is one experience that certainly belongs to the ‘this was the worst ever experience in my life’ group and researchers have lumped this experience in the same group as the other two instances I gave above. That experience is being in a relationship with a narcissistic person. The experience is so terrible that its victims often live with emotional and psychological scars for life; so who is a narcissist? A narcissist is someone who has no empathy for other people and who only loves himself. These people are known to be very selfish and manipulative. They are well-versed in the art of subtle emotional, psychological and mental abuse. They leave their scars on the inside where they can’t be seen by everyone. One of the most glaring signs of a narcissist is that they only love themselves and so if you are dating a narcissist and he says that he loves you, he’s lying. Below is a letter written from the point of view of a narcissistic person about love and what it actually does mean to them.
Dear significant other;
Listen carefully because I’m about to say something to you that I’ve never said before and I may never say again.
You know who I am and what I am. I am a narcissist, and you know that we don’t love any other person except our selves. So when I tell you that I love you, it means so many other things other than the feeling of love. One of the things I mean when I say I love you is that I really love how much you want to believe that I love you because it makes me feel superior to you. I love the fact that you’re desperate to have my love and that you probably wouldn’t ever get it but it does make me feel good to see you try everything possible to make me love you.
When I say that I love you, I really don’t. What I actually love is the control you give me over your happiness and over your emotions. I love how you let me play with your feelings and manipulate you into doing what I want. I love how you let me use you and avail myself of your good intentions. Whenever I see you sad because of something I did, I feel happy, full stop I feel happy because it means that I have power over you and control over your emotions and that is one thing that’s all narcissists really crave. Whenever you feel inferior because of my actions or inactions as the case may be, I feel so superior.
When I say, I love you what I really love is how you let your life revolve around me. I love attention and making me the center of your world feeds my addiction. I really mean that I love how you always here for me whether I offer you the same or not and most times you and I both know that I don’t. You are always here for me to make me feel better, to listen to me talk about my problems and offer solutions and to make me feel happy when I’m sad. When I say I love you, what I really do love is the fact that you live for me and no one else, not even yourself. This sort of dedication and attention has been my dream for life. It is what I’m addicted to, and you provide me with my fix.
I love playing mind games with you even if it is just so that I can reassure myself of my control over you and your emotions and ultimately your life. Playing mind games with you makes me happy and gives me a seat of god complex well, that is what all narcissist want to me, and I am no exception to the rule. It makes me feel superior when you can’t do anything for yourself if you do not ask for my permission. I have broken down your mind until you begin to see me not as your partner not even as someone who is at the same level with you rather you see me as a mini-god. I am in control of you, and your emotions and I can do with them anything that I want. Would you like to know my favorite mind game? It is gaslighting. Have you ever heard of gaslighting? In case you don’t know because I can be very subtle in my emotional abuse. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation in which I make you doubt yourself which leads you to think that you are literally going insane. Gaslighting is one of the most common, most subtle, most damaging form of abuse and a form of abuse a narcissist can use on you.
It is a pity that you really think I love you. Well, I don’t. Whenever I tell you that I love you, they could mean that I’m using it as an emotional manipulation to keep you static. I know that if I don’t tell you that I love you, you will leave me and I will never let that happen, so I tell you what I know you want to here. Besides that, there will be no one to abuse anymore. Who would make me feel like a god if you go?
In case you always wondered if I ever felt happy when I hurt you, well I did. It gave me some sort of pleasurable feeling to see you constantly beating down day after day and carry on your face the ravages of sadness and disappointment. Well, don’t take it the wrong way but seeing you hurt always made me feel a little bit happier and as you well know all narcissists care for themselves and only for themselves when it comes to making decisions the only thing we think about is if that decision would benefit us. If for instance by chance the same decision that would make us happy would devastate you I’ll still choose my happiness over you because I’m the only person in this world that I care about.
Whenever I tell you that I love you, it is love for how much I hate you. What I truly love is myself from the way you love me, and it makes me feel inadequate, so I have to punish you for that.
What I truly love about you is how easy you are to manipulate and how easy it was for me to break you emotionally. I love how you run around doing everything possible to make sure that I am happy and comfortable. I love how much you feel the need to please me and gain my affection or validation. It always makes me laugh seeing you doing this because even if you served me like a faithful slave for all my life, I wouldn’t love you on my deathbed. I love feeling like a god around you because that is how you make me feel. I love how easy it is to manipulate you and to make you take the blame that should be mine just by making use of one of my manipulation tactics. You are so easy.
When I tell you that I love you, I truly don’t. You should know that by now what I love is making you feel pain and sadness because of my quite deliberate actions. I love basking in the knowledge that no matter what I do, you will still stay with me because my type of relationship, the toxic one has become your normal. After all, it just takes me paying you a little attention for you to stay back.
I love knowing that you have my back. That you would do anything to keep me happy and satisfied. But more than that, I love how you do that even when you know that I won’t do the same for you. Why would I show you affection? Being starved of affection is why you still stay with me.
What I love about you is your delusion. You think I love you when I only manipulate you and use you for my own needs. Just know that each time I act like I love you, I just want to use you.
I don’t love you, but I love how much you need me to be in your life and how much you are certain that I am the one especially when I make you feel inadequate.
I don’t know what love is or how to love someone else who isn’t me, so how can I possibly love you? I don’t. I love how much of a slave you have become to me walking around the house in fear of my reaction and doing everything I say.
Lastly, I would never change. Not in this life and maybe not even after this life. I know what this relationship is, and you know it too.
Your Narcissistic Partner.
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