“Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.” ~ Unknown
In your sojourn to find love, you are going to meet only three kinds of people. Yes, I said it, the number of people you meet won’t matter. They will all fall into three categories.
And with each one comes different and unique experiences. Different pitfalls and highs and each of those experiences are needed for true progress in the developmental strides of your person. Going to each of these relationships will help mold you to be a better and stronger version of yourself.
This journey of love searching begins at our youth. At this point in time, your body is just beginning to get into adulthood. You are yet to comes to terms with these fast-paced changes.
Your hormones are on a rampage and your body is at is mercy. Your highs are reeeaallllyyyyy high and I guess I don’t have to tell that your lows follow suit – in a similar fashion. At this point, you are naive and when you combine innocence with hormone aggravated passion, what you get is an idealistic view of love. To you, it is all sunshine and rainbows. Nothing should go wrong, just as Cinderella and the Prince Charming lived happily ever after.
This passion bleeds into all aspects of our lives. And this is the type of love that is and should be channeled towards the betterment of society and mankind at large. Little wonder, young men are drafted into the army and shipped to war, all based on the notion of patriotism – fervent love for country.
This is the type of love that we regard as selflessness. We are not bothered by the seeming danger our dedication to such task (yes, I call love a pledge to a task) can bring us. It doesn’t have to make us comfortable. We are more comfortable with the fact that what we do aligns with what we believe in, the values we cherish and respect. And with that feeling of complete sincerity with ourselves, we are completely given to the cause and completely immersed and consumed by it.
But could that be the only reason we treat love as such at such a young age? I doubt it. Peeling away at these grandiose but true reasons why we do what we do, we find a burning and ravaging desire to prove ourselves. To family, society and even to ourselves. Can I do it? Am I good enough? Who am I? These tough questions are often the fuel that drives us at this point in our lives. We want to pander to other people’s opinions and views on life.
Following the first, is the love that helps us really begin to learn. I call it life’s tough love. And I say so because this life teaches us these lessons often times in the harshest possible way you can imagine. But the wounds are worth the wisdom. We get to fail and fail again till we finally get to know who we are.
What we are really made off (and many at times it is not what we are proud of). A well-known motivational speaker puts it excellently. He says that life will strip us to the core. And that is exactly what it does to us. This, in turn, will help us get to know how we will react, in times of distress and discomfort. We will get hurt…
Feeling the sting of these life lessons we try to pivot in another direction to avoid the pain. But only for us to land into deeper problems. Everything suddenly seems to close in on us. We think something is definitely wrong with us. But that is not really true, we are just going to be in tribulations long enough to learn all you need to learn. And the length of such struggles is unique to everyone. Although refusal to learn from mistakes could play a huge role in the length of the process.
The process takes us through some negative relationships, and we would meet weird and sometimes terrible people. These types of relationships drain you physically, emotionally and mentally. But then we decide to keep staying in such relationships.
Perhaps, we are manipulated to think that the bitter lows are worth the wait for the exhilarating highs.
And then we find ourselves staying in these relationships longer than we are supposed to.
Trying to repair the what can’t be fixed.
And that is because we are still clinging to the fairyland notion of what love is. That leads us to the third type of love. It doesn’t seem to fit what we see as the right kind of love. It is unconventional and it forces us to drop whatever notions we have from the past. We are shocked at how easy it is, how it seems to fit right with our personality. It knocks us off our feet with its surprisingly wonderful presence.
In this kind of love, we find out that whoever we share this love with, is a perfect fit for us. In their presence, we are not compelled to be anything than our truest self. The relationship at this time becomes a fresh breath of air. We ask ourselves ” Could this be true? Being accepted for who we are?” That could really be nerve-wracking.
It isn’t what we expected to come out way, especially after being used to the crappy cards life has dealt us in the past. It is a far cry from what we have experienced and we would suddenly find out that all the defensive mechanisms we have built to cope with the previous harsh relationships aren’t needed.
Very few of us ever get to this kind of love. But those who have the courage to keep looking will usually find it. Remember, it could take a few years or a decade but if we keep looking we would find it.
Those who eventually get to this type of love are truly lucky indeed. They will discover that the journey to the third is worth it. Only in the end will it all make sense.
“You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you, I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown