You think about this for a minute.
What do you think makes the world go round?
Some say it is money while others say it is love. But I believe that what makes the world go round is desire.
We human beings are animals ruled by our needs and wants. We want knowledge so that we can satisfy the lack of understanding we have deep within us concerning us or our environment.
We want some form of stability regarding food and shelter, and so we seek money to guarantee a steady inflow of food. We also seek to build stronger homes that can withstand the harsh elements of the weather.
See, these are just rudimentary analogies to describe how we are beings that function best when we lack something we need or want.
We get stronger by getting through trials and so it is important that we come to the understanding that not having what you want can be a blessing in disguise.
And when it comes to love, the earlier people realize that it isn’t a bed of roses the better off they would be.
Yes, love is hard work. It was, it is, and it will be a tough process. To get the kind of love we desire as human beings then we have to buckle up. It will take conscious effort, hard work, dedication, sacrifice and sheer doggedness or grit.
And if you don’t perform admirably in all these areas listed above, then you have got a problem. You may never get to find it.
And assuming you find true love, you are just getting started. Because the struggle will only get tougher as you are trying to keep that love blooming – on a constant basis.
True love hardly ever falls into your lap. You hardly ever get it right the first time. It is not a one-step journey, and that is a bitter truth you have to come to terms with. You are not perfect, and you will make mistakes – a lot of them. You are going to get it all messed up the first time and the next time and the NEXT TIME yet again.
You will flunk at it far more than you expect and so don’t make the mistake of comparing your progress and development to others. That is the quickest way to not finding true love.
Many many times you will feel like giving up, and yes, your reasons are going to seem very legit.
Look, this isn’t a journey for the feeble minded and as stated earlier, successfully finding true love is going to take a lot of perseverance. When you fall during this journey – as you most likely will, follow up immediately with standing up. Don’t depend on hope as it won’t be a consistent companion -especially during the rough times. You have to have faith that the rough road leads to true love.
The failure and pain that you go through are not in vain nor are they just a mere means to an end. See, whenever we set goals and move towards achieving those goals, we have simultaneously challenged ourselves to become a version of ourselves that is worthy of achieving that goal. Becoming a better version of yourself is a very tough and painful journey. And we sometimes would rather be comfortable than take the uncomfortable path.
This painful process can sometimes be triggered by my a very uncomfortable and stressful event.
This event could come in the form of lost loved one. This could be the catalyst that would spark a series of events that leads you to meet the right one. This is how you should see it; you have to have this mindset. We are saying ” Nothing good comes easy ”. That is very true and when you fully understand that, you will be willing to go through the necessary processes required to find your true love. Going through lots of fake love, pretense and toxic relationships will help you have a better understanding of what true love is. Someone once said that you get to know what you like by tasting that which you don’t like. This saying above can be put in one word, and that is ‘experience.’
When you finally find the love of your life, you will have a better appreciation for what your relationship with that person is and stands for.
Through the process of finding true love, you will be exposed to your flaws and inadequacies. You will be humbled by your limits and at the same time, come to the realization that only through your development into the best version of yourself will you find true love. The journey of finding your true love can also be said to be a journey of becoming a better version of yourself.
This why we say that love is work, it isn’t really about emotions, but more about a promise kept. It is a commitment to be by your partner.
Is this what you define as true love? Or have you been chasing after a fairy tale?
The truth of the matter is this, many of us are asking for things we don’t deserve. We feel very entitled when it comes to our desires. In search of true love, we are on a selfish mission to find the one person who will give us the utmost satisfaction. We spend a lot of time and energy trying to write down all the desirable attributes we want to see in our soon-to-be partner. But we don’t stop for a second to ask this question?
Am I the kind of partner my dream mate would want to be with?
Giving a true and honest answer to this question will instantly put you in an uncomfortable corner. And this is because this question immediately exposes your flaws to yourself. Your lack of effort, your selfishness, and greed. This question forces you to say to yourself ” What value will I bring to my relationship with the love of my life? ”
But if you are brave enough to look your flaws in the eye and accept you for who you are, and then wise enough to look for a way to improve on your shortcomings, then you have indeed started the journey to find the one.
And when I say the one, I mean yourself – the best you can be. This is what this is all about, being obsessed with the right things is the right way to go. The goal is the icing; the process is the cake. Who you are becoming in the quest of achieving a set goal is far more important than the goal itself. And the process of finding true love is self-development.
If you are just obsessed with finding the love of your life, then there is a high likelihood that you would fail miserably. That kind of obsession will only lead you on a path to pain. You won’t be able to think clearly as you become blond to your folly. You will make ridiculous rationalizations and terrible decisions just to get at your goal. And when you fail, you would be very frustrated as you realize that all that energy expended by you was futile.
You had better put that effort into a better alternative – you. You have to understand that you and your well-being matters more than any other thing. And this is because you were well taken care of will put you in a better position to help others or better the lives of others. Put your time and effort into becoming better, and you will attract your kind.
And then finally, you can only find your true love if you have let go. Now let me explain.
Just as we discussed above, your search for true love is actually the process of becoming better. And we also said that the beginning of this journey starts when you acknowledge that you aren’t perfect and that you could become better. What makes us better and what makes us worse are habits and relationships. What got us to the point we are right now are the bad habits and toxic relationships we have cultivated over time.
At this point in time, you have to let them go. And before you descend on me thinking that I don’t understand how hard it is, I will tell you that I know. And I know because I have gone through it and to some extent still going through it now. And I can say that this is perhaps that most difficult step in the whole process.
See, we as humans start with an empty slate of a mind and a rabid curiosity to fill it up. And that accounts for our very intense inquisitive nature at a young age. That is why kids seem to learn things very quickly. But that inquisitive nature and rate of learning decrease with time. We begin to get set in our ways. Learned actions become habits over a period of time and in no time, it becomes a religion – something that seems to be associated with life itself.
This is why letting go of bad habits and relationships are the toughest things to do. And that is why very few people change to become winners. It is all a mind game, whatever is learned can be unlearned. All you have to do is be persistent at it. New habits can be formed and strengthened. The key here is not to give up.
Brave the storm that will ensue as a result of your letting go and after that is sunshine and everything you have ever dreamed of and more.