Apart from an unrequited love one other thing that has to do with love that hurts just as much is loving someone who is not right for you and your goals. It does happen much more than you think and usually because the couple did not talk about their goals early on in their relationship before getting in too deep. It does seem a bit weird and desperate if your first date with him you bring out the big guns. By big guns I mean, asking him all those deep, important questions like what are your goals and where do you want to live and how many kids do you want. He might very well run out of the restaurant in fear. Okay, maybe not, but he would most probably not be calling you again. Desperation for a relationship does not sit well on anyone, and although you might just want to know so that you could avoid wasting your time, it could make you look like a desperate woman and desperate these days equals psycho. But then how do you tell before you fall into such a relationship where you both love each other but can’t be together? Try to figure it out as soon as you get into a relationship with him; because after you have fallen in love with him, it is near impossible for you to finally come to terms with the fact that the one you love does not want the things that you want even when he loves you dearly. The truth is that somehow, you would be tempted to just settle with him and live the life that he needs, putting down roots and slowly letting go of your dreams and goals for him. You just might hack it for a few months or even years later but one day that part of you that had so many dreams and goals would rise again, and this time they would not be so easily shut up, and you would have to answer the call of your dreams. Either that would happen, or one of you would begin to resent the other one for making them settle.
I have already stated that it is very difficult to acknowledge and accept the fact that your partner whom you love very much is not the best person for you and as difficult as it may be, it is even more hurtful, and because of that, you might turn a blind eye towards this fact. It is, without doubt, one of the hardest things you would ever have to do, but I would advise you to accept the painful truth sooner rather than later so that you can begin the long process of getting over it. In a relationship where both partners truly love one another but would not make a good couple because they both have different paths and goals, it would be better for both partners if they separated early on. If they stay together, they would only end up being resentful of each other and feeling unsatisfied with their lives. They would benefit greatly from looking for a different person who would be able to give them all that they need in life instead of staying with the one who would not only be unable to fulfill their hearts’ desire but would also make them miserable in the long run. You might even tell yourself that things could change and he would suddenly want the same things that you want out of life or that as long as there is love, everything would sort itself out. It has to since love is the ultimate right? Wrong. I’m not discounting that some people (note that this is a very small percentage of people) do get that romantic novel, fairytale love where somehow their love destroys the barriers against them, some people do. But you might not be among that select few, and so you should not bank your hopes on that. Love is not an elixir that conquers all.
Your life may not be as perfect, as smooth or as seamless as the storylines in those romantic novels or movies but you can reach a state of total happiness and satisfaction in your life simply by taking charge of your life and being the creator of your own happiness. If you have fortified yourself well and readied your mind, it is almost impossible for you not to discover that there is more love and affection than you can see in the world much less those who surround you on a day to day basis. Before you can achieve this feeling of total Zen and satisfaction, you have to make peace with your past looking at those events, successes, and failures as what they are important steps that you had to take to reach the height you have attained today. Everything that has happened in your past, happy or sad, significant or irrelevant, all of them were simply bus stops in your life journey and not the final destination.
All of those experiences have only helped to make you the person that you are today. Strong and able to withstand adversity. If you hadn’t gone through some hard times in the past, you might not be able to stand strong and tall in the face of adversity so no matter what they were, they were very important. Besides that, experience must have taught you how to choose a better life partner, one who would be able to provide all that you need from life. It would also shape and change the way that you see the world, and for that, you should be immensely grateful to them. So embrace your past, be proud of them and fully accept the fact that your present and future would always be colored by it. Even as you accept that, remember to improve and make better decisions for yourself today so that future would be so much better.