The winter season is on its last leg, and the warmer weather is about to make an appearance. The coming of the warmer months means different things to different people, but to the recently engaged couples, it means that the perfect season for a wedding is around the corner. If you are one of the lucky couples to get engaged last year and is planning to get married this year, then I’m very happy for you. It’s always a wonderful thing to see two couples make their love official.
However, I am about to make a very doom-gloom statement which is based on the fact that getting engaged and married doesn’t guarantee that you and your significant other would stay together forever. I’m not trying to dampen your spirits. It’s because the rate of broken marriages in the United States is so high, somewhere above the 50% mark. That’s high, and that means that as much as you and your significant other are in love, you need to also think about the fact that many other couples that started out just as in love as you are with your partner have somehow become embroiled in a divorce. The smart thing would be for you and your partner to do a little research and find out why most of these couples get divorced so that you would be able to escape most of the pitfalls.
We are here to help you. We have done most of the work on research and have come up with 7 top reasons that contribute to the break of many marriages. With information from the experts in relationships, we can help you find out if your relationship would stand the test of time. The following signs we are about to show you don’t just materialize after marriage, they are a part of your relationship. These are the symptoms that would give you an inkling of what your marriage is going to look like and if it would ultimately join the divorced 50%. It’s time for you to look at your relationship with a critical eye and judge for yourself if your future marriage would survive.
Below are the 7 red signs to look out for.
Quite recently, the University of Missouri and the University of Hawaii at Hilo discovered something that should not really come as a surprise to you if you are a dedicated social media user. They found out that a lot of social media platforms most especially Facebook had the potential to make a negative impact on relationships that are still in the growing stages. By growing stages, I mean a relationship that has not lasted for 3 years and more. Russell Clayton, a researcher, and a Doctoral student had something to say about what the two Universities discovered. In his own words, “Previous research has shown that the more a person in a romantic relationship uses Facebook, the more likely they are to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity more stringently, which can lead to feelings of jealousy.” This is something important to consider if you are getting married to someone with whom you have not really had a long relationship with.
You most definitely know that one of the vows that you would be making on your special day to your partner is that you would remain with them for richer or for poorer. The fact that you made this vow to your partner does not mean that there are situations that have not been accounted for. One of these situations arises when a spendthrift marries a financially smart person. There would be problems arising from the spending of money. Dr. Seth Meyers explained in an article published in Psychology Today that there really isn’t a procedure or set of steps that can show that your partner would have a negative impact on your credit. However, he did point out that certain patterns of behavior could predict that.
Some of these patterns included a person who makes a good enough salary but still manages to incur debt. Another red flag to watch out for in a partner is one who buys luxury cars when they don’t have a home yet. It shows that they don’t have their priorities in place.
These signs, he said are good indicators that such a marriage would end up in a divorce somewhere along the line and he advises that couples discuss in details their financial plans before tying the knot.
You might have heard that the intensity of a couples attraction and sex reduces after the first seven years. Well, that’s right, and Dr. Schwartz had something to say about it to Mental Health.net. The reduction in affection and intimacy is a big issue that could lead to a couple getting a divorce.
Dr. Schwartz points towards the lack of excitement and the weariness that comes with being stuck in a pattern. This isn’t an irreconcilable problem, and the couple can seek help for their marriage from a sex therapist. However, there could be a problem if one of the partners has a higher sex drive than the other.
No matter how good a relationship is, there would be times when the partners in that relationship would not agree with each other. These disagreements could be over something as significant as a person’s life choices or as insignificant as raising the toilet seat up.
Significant or insignificant, the fact remains that if these issues aren’t discussed by both partners, it would only leave room for a grudge to be developed.
A recent study that was published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology showed that any relationship without communication would not be able to stand for long. Communication is one of the bedrocks of any relationship and any two partners who cannot have a civil conversation about their differing opinions would have a problem expressing their feelings and needs. It’s sad that most times these important conversations are had too late and usually after a lot of grudges has accumulated.
Ah, the number one reason for the high divorce rates we are experiencing today. Cheating has always been one of the problems that couples have had so it should not really come as a surprise that it is part of the top 7 reasons couples get divorced. The Austin Institute conducted a survey on the causes of broken marriages, and according to their results, 37% of the divorced couples gave cheating as the reason for seeking a divorce.
As much as we wish that we could somehow see into the future and know if our partner would cheat on us, we can’t. Future cheating is a very hard thing to predict, but as in fiscal irresponsibility, there are certain red flags to look out for. One of them is a confession to having cheated before. If he has done it before, the chances are high that he would do it again. Scientifically, a person who cheated on his last partner is 3.4 times more liable to cheat on his current partner.
Abuse is another strong reason that couples get divorced. According to experts in the field, acts of abuse always seem to increase exponentially after marriage. He might manipulate you into thinking that he has turned a new leaf. Always remember that if he has already been exhibiting behaviors like this before you both got married, he will continue to do the same even after you have been married says the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
In such a situation, the best and only step to take would be a divorce. If you have been abused before either emotionally, physically, psychologically, and even verbally you need to leave that marriage immediately. Divorce is your only answer.
Almost everybody has gone through times in their lives where they were not sure of themselves and the paths that they were taking in life. It is something that everyone should pass through once in a while because it helps to realign your goals and career choices. Second guessing yourself on your career choices, your lifestyle and the path you are taking in life can bring about positive growth and clearer goals. However, it can also bring about negativity.
A divorce lawyer talking to the Guardian said that the ‘identity crisis’ is something that he comes across every day in his place of work although he does point out that most of those cases are often on the heels of an affair. Mark Harper, one of the lawyers at the Withers Law Firm in the U.K, has also stated that 93% of the cases of identity crises he has seen were from men.
Is there really a way to sidestep a prospective identity crisis? I don’t really know, but one thing you need to know is that people change and as partners, it would be good if both of you evolved together so as not to break your bond with each other. Having a strong bond from the beginning also goes a long way to maintain your relationship with your partner.