Is It Ever Okay To Snoop On Your Partner?

Lately, there has been a lot of awareness created about snooping on your partner. While some of the women folk are definitely for snooping through their partner’s social media accounts to discover when they are being cheated on as it has become the preferred method of cheating, other women believe that snooping on their significant other is a breach of the trust they have for each other. As for the opinions of the men, your guess is as good as mine.

Anyway, let’s look at this scenario. You go on a date with your boyfriend at your favorite Italian restaurant, and both of you are talking about what appetizer you are both going to share, but you notice that your boyfriend has been preoccupied with his phone for a while now.

You try to get him off the phone by talking about his favorite things such as the weekend game he has been looking forward to, and even his Fantasy football league but nothing helps. It seems that nothing you say to him can get his mind and attention off his phone. In fact it begins to feel like the more you try to get his attention, the more engrossed he is on his phone. Then you begin to think about what or who has him so interested in his phone.

Soon enough, you guys are done with dinner, and you go back to his house to catch a movie or two on Netflix. All the while though, he has still been very preoccupied with his phone, giving you less and less attention as the night goes on. Sometime mid-movie, he goes to relieve himself in the bathroom, and you do your hardest to pretend that it is there, but it keeps chiming to announce new Snaps and texts, and suddenly it grips you. Now is the time to find out just what has held his attraction all night.

So, would you check it or would you leave it?

With the numerous social media platforms that people can sign up to today, it takes a strong will not to give in to the temptation of checking up on your significant other to know what he is doing and who he is talking to. Ultimately though, the driving force behind checking up on them is to make sure that they are true to your relationship.

Like I mentioned earlier, some do not see snooping on their boyfriends as a bad thing. They take it as a nonconfrontational way of knowing the details that made up his day. We talked to a few students at Temple University and here’s what Nicole, a junior student of that University had to say. Nicole thinks that there should be no limits when it comes to two people who love each other and so feels that snooping on your significant other is an okay way of checking up on them. Quoting her, she says “I don’t think it’s unhealthy to want to snoop on your boyfriend.” She gives us an example using her relationship. She and her boyfriend have been a couple for about three years now, and she still goes through his inbox. When questioned on the reason behind that, she explains that she does not go through his inbox because she doesn’t trust him, rather she looks through his inbox because she does. Further explaining herself, she says that she would not snoop as much if she were afraid of seeing something bad.

Another student of Temple University, Sarah who is in her sophomore year has an entirely different view on snooping. Although her own advice comes from a painful experience with her ex-boyfriend. She believes that social media can have a bad influence on a relationship. She discovered that her ex-boyfriend was always responding to other peoples snaps but had never responded to her own. That was the beginning. Much to her chagrin, she later found out that he had been responding to the snaps of many girls he had relations with in the past while he was still in a relationship with her after she could not contain her curiosity anymore and asked to see his phone. Even with all of this, Sarah is a staunch believer in privacy between two people in a relationship. But she says that if you feel bothered by something, you should definitely ask your significant other about it.

She cautions against being a stalker and always looking at each other’s phones every day but occasionally. She is also of the opinion that it would be better to talk about things with your partner if you feel worried about anything. Talking over your issues and asking questions is a really good way to go about it because privacy is important in any relationship and if your relationship is built on trust, his words can be taken at face value.

The above opinions were just sentiments. Let’s see what the plain facts have to tell us about snooping.

The Telegraph in 2013 published a study that showed that guys are more liable to snoop on their significant others than women are. However, 31 percent of the people surveyed viewed snooping as a deal breaker in a relationship because to them it is a breach of trust.

But the true question is, does settling our minds via snooping on our significant others worth the risk of losing that relationship entirely?

Mae, another junior at Temple University has some answers for us. She believes strongly that without trust, there would be a reason to snoop but if both partners implicitly trusted each other, there would be no reason to snoop on their significant other. She gives us her own experiences with her exes.

She tells us that she once had the password to one of her ex-boyfriend’s Facebook account and she never stopped in on him. That’s a real feat that she accomplished there. She said that the only time she ever logged into his Facebook account when he broke up with me and begins to date another girl less than a week after their breakup. So, she logs into his Facebook accounts and sees evidence of his infidelity to her. Seems like he has been having conversations with the new girl for a while now even when they were dating.

That wasn’t her only sad experience. Her most recent ex-boyfriend was quite overprotective of his phone, wouldn’t let it out of his hand or sight but one early morning while he was asleep, she logged into his Snapchat account after intercepting a message from another girl. She found out that he too was not loyal.

In the face of this disloyalty, why do you do?

Sheryl Kurland, a relationship expert, and speaker has the answer to our dilemma. In her words, “Snooping is wrong, wrong, wrong,” Why, you might ask?

She is of the opinion that while you might not find the proof to back up your suspicions, you will most definitely find something which would lead to a misunderstanding. This is because sometimes, we can misunderstand the interpretations of certain conversations and this can cause even more problems in your relationship.

When you enjoy the peace you derive from regularly snooping on your significant other, do you ever think of the consequences if any?

Lack of privacy

There are consequences though, and one of them is the utter lack of privacy for both partners. Before you snoop into your partner’s chats, take a minute to think about your reaction if the roles were reversed and you were the one being snooped on. If you are cool with it, then better advice would be to talk to your partner about the things that bother you because if he finds out that you are snooping on him, it might destroy the trust that existed before and make them even more secretive in future.

Everything in a relationship is built on a foundation of trust, and if you don’t trust your partner, then you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with them, says Kurland.

We easily develop habits

Human beings are creatures of habit and once we do something once and it works out for us, we tend to repeat that action over and over again. The same logic holds in snooping. If you snoop on your significant other today, you will snoop on them tomorrow. It would be exciting to you to be able to snoop on him undetected but soon you will get addicted to snooping on him and won’t be able to stop. When it gets to this stage, no amount of trust you have for your significant other will keep you from snooping on them.

Your constant need to snoop on your significant other might be an indication of a bigger issue.

If you feel compelled to always snoop on your partner, then it isn’t just about him spending a lot of time on his phone anymore, it has graduated to an indication of a more personal issue. This behavior points to other deep-seated issue such as a low self esteem, insecurities and trust issues which you definitely need to work through.

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