See, I really want to be with you, but at the same time, I don’t want to be the only one who wants this. And there are a lot of reasons why I have come to such conclusion.
I can’t always be the one who wants to communicate with you. Having conversations with one another shows that we want and like to be in each other’s company. It also means that we are interested in one another to the extent that we would like to know more about each other.
I also can’t be the only one who puts in the effort to spice up our friendship or relationship. I can’t always be the one making plans for getaways and that sort of thing. I do these things to show that I always want to be beside you. I want to share my experiences, my happy and sad times with you. I also want you to share yours with me. So if I don’t see you warm up to the idea of such events that would bring us closer into each other’s lives, then I begin to wonder if the love and care are mutual. I begin to get concerned that maybe I might be the one who wants it more than you do – and that isn’t a good sign that our relationship would work. They both of us have to want this for ourselves.
Look, I am not going to be doing this with you anymore. I am not going to spend hours trying to write a ladened love text describing how much I want to be with you. I can’t do all that only for me to stare at my screen, waiting for ages for an iota of a reply from you. Sometimes I get so frustrated and desperate that I would want any type of reply – be it positive or negative. Just to know that you are alive or you at least acknowledge that I am here. But I am done dreaming about this friendship getting any better. You will never treat me better than you have already done these past few months. And you know what? I am not even expecting anything extra.
For you, it has always been the same. You would just put in minimum effort into our relationship. Just enough to make me believe that there is something to what we share and yet you don’t make any extra move to guarantee your commitment or dedication to this relationship.
I would have to honestly tell you that I am not really happy with this relationship and where it is going – heck, I don’t even know where it is going.
Since the beginning of this relationship, it has always been about me giving everything I can offer in emotional, physical and psychological support. And all I get in return is haphazard attempts at keeping me in the relationship that is slowly becoming very uncomfortable for me.
Being the one to always make things work is becoming very painful for me. I can’t continue like this; I would rather just accept that we would be just friends and nothing more. I wouldn’t keep getting my hopes up only for you to crash it again.
It is becoming a cycle that I am not willing to partake in. Yes, we have all that is needed to kick-start a great relationship, but for some reason which is hard to explain, it just doesn’t click. Sometimes I ask myself, how is it possible that friends who are attracted to one another and have great chemistry, just can take their relationship to the next level? It baffles me whenever I get to think about it, and the more I seek to understand it, the more confused I get.
See, as much as I enjoy your company and the conversations that we do have from time to time, I can’t continue to look at glimpses of your love for me and expect me to chase after that. I don’t know where this is all going and so I am not willing to go after making this relationship work for us. I will safely assume that it won’t work for us. I would rather pitch my tent somewhere else where I am valued and loved just as much as I do the other person. No one loves a one-sided relationship. Everyone, including you, wants always to feel like he is loved by those they hold dear to them.
So I won’t adjust anymore for you. I know my worth and won’t water down my standards just to fit in with you. Yes, it may be hard to stop feeling something for you, but that doesn’t mean that I will be enslaved by such feelings. I won’t take the maltreatment from you anymore instead I will have to move on.
And I will be honest here; it is going to be tough trying to get you out of my head. To stay quiet instead of talking with you for long hours unending. Yes, I can truthfully say that the times we spend together are very lively and happy moments, but I would have to resist the urge to spend time with you. And I repeat that this isn’t going to be easy, but I very determined to make it so. Or else, I would lose not just my heart to you but also my mind too. That is indeed the worst scenario for me, and so I will take anything that isn’t that.
I am so happy that I do have a healthy dose of self esteem and confidence. And that makes it possible for me to love myself as much or even more than I do someone else. This means that I would only enter into a relationship with someone who I know would let me be who I am because that is what makes me happy. My happiness stays top of my priority list and everything else comes second. I know what makes me happy and you aren’t offering much in this relationship. I don’t deserve the measly effort you put into the relationship as well. I will have to be where I am appreciated for my true worth.
So although I am into you, I have to leave. It seems that you don’t really want this as bad as I do and I can’t have that. So I will stop here with the appropriate pleasantry… Goodbye friend.