She is an active woman that can slide through all sorts of problems. They suffer heartbreaks and friendships that end badly or family problems. She brushes these disasters off like they are some minor tiny disturbances.
Whenever she is attacked or mistreated by anyone, she seems to acknowledge her oppressors barely. She puts on a smiling mask and keeps it moving. She does it with such class that you would begin to believe in angels. She coasts through all this trouble as if her heart is unbreakable – as if its made of steel.
She looks the part, but deep down within her she doesn’t as such. She does believe in that tough-girl image – the label the world has given her is fake and that she isn’t as good as everyone says she is. She doesn’t feel deserving of the respect the world gives her.
To her, people only think that way because all they see is that uptight part of her life. They just see her during the day, when she puts up the strong girl face and when she pretends that all is well and that she has no worries in the world. But no one sees her at night when she is alone and vulnerable. When she is left to deal with her fears, and she succumbs to all the negativity her mind throws at her.
Well, for the most part, it is intentional. She doesn’t want to let anyone see her vulnerable side. No one is getting allowed into her space.
When things get unbearably tough, and she is just about to cry, she holds in all that emotion of frustration and pain. Only to wait for a chance to rush into the bathroom to cry her eyes out. To her, she can just deal with her grief in private. That is why she would instead cancel any plans to go out. Hence people notice when she has a bad day. This pressure and pain pile up, and with time, she breaks down in depression. And even in this mental state, she refuses to ask for help. She just wallows in the darkness her pain and suffering has created. And she does all of this in silence.
She doesn’t see the benefits in sharing her problems. The saying ”a problem have shared is one-half solve” doesn’t make any sense to her. So she to her outwardly happy and cheerful self, her friends consider her to be a funny person. They also see her as the go-to person to tell all their problems. They do so with an expectation that she will always have something to say to them. Some truth or some wisdom. They expect that she will do all these because she is the strong and mature lady.
And that she does for them, even though have of their problems are vain and insignificant when it comes to things that matter in life. She isn’t happy about this, and that is because she knows what real problems look like, ”How could someone fret over something that vain?” she asks herself.
She feels like cutting them off right in the middle of their juvenile chatter and tell them how much they have disconnected from reality. And that if they had just a peek into the problems she battles, they wouldn’t believe it. But she doesn’t; instead, she just stays there and listens to their tale of woes, just as a good friend does
Something that she has learned and practiced all her life. To be completely selfless when it comes to other people’s problems. She has gotten used to the fact that she has to put her burning problems aside, to help others solve theirs.
But this the sort of behavior that comes with its consequences. When left alone all her problems flood her mind right away and that can be overwhelming at times.
When she gets into her car to have those long drives, it could get crazy. All her thoughts go wild. That is why she dreads being alone with her mind. All sorts of dark things going on there. She is at constant war with the negativity that her mind consistently spews.
Shes always told that she is a loser. She isn’t intelligent enough to achieve her dreams. She is going to be alone all her life because she is clumsy and not good enough. No one will see her as attractive and at the end, that her life would end miserably. She will leave earth alone and without achieving any of her dreams. Finally, she will have to go through an even more significant and monumental shame.
And even though she is the strong girl, her problems don’t see her as such, and if they do, then they don’t respect her at all. They lay siege to her mind, continually throwing javelins of negativity, self-hatred, and self-doubt at it. Throughout the day and the prolonged cold and lonely nights, they torment her in reality and her dreams.
They make her feel like she isn’t worth anything and that her existence is nothing more than a burden to herself and everyone else. She despises the fact that the world thinks that she is a beautiful, healthy and independent woman. To her, it is like nature is playing a cruel joke on her because to her she feels that she is the exact opposite of all the things listed above.
What she doesn’t understand is that she is one of a kind. That because she keeps her head up even in the midst of suffering and pain, she is an influential person. She doesn’t know that for her to feed others with solutions to their problems when she is hungry for her answers, shows leadership, strength, and compassion all in one. She is a fantastic person to withstand all the suicidal thoughts that hit her mind on a daily basis. She doesn’t know that she is a hero without a cape. She is incredible and amazing.