You have always told me that no other person except you would want me because I was the most messed up person you had ever known, so I should just remain with you. You said that I’d never meet anybody better than you. When I wanted to leave, you guilted me into feeling like the most useless person in the world. Do you recall all of this? Well, I do. I used to believe you, but when you said that no one would ever want me the way I was, I became fed up with your lies and walked away.
I loved you, I was the only person who ever loved you and yet, you hurt me. You said hurtful things to me on the days that didn’t go well for you and worse; I knew that was what you would do. When things didn’t work out for you as planned, you always took it out on me, blaming me when it had nothing to do with me at all. You said all these hurtful things to me so that you could feel better about yourself. For the duration of our relationship, you hit me and caused me physical harm.
I did everything possible to make you love me because I loved you. I compromised so much for you thinking that if I did everything you wanted, you would eventually come to love me but you didn’t. I trusted you and stayed with you when no one else could tolerate you. I saw good things in you which no other person saw. I guess I misplaced my hope in you. I hoped so much that you will look at me one day and realize all that I have been doing for you. I thought we could have a future, but I was wrong.
I learned the hard way after so much wasted time and so much wasted energy that you weren’t worth it. I could finally see you in your true colors although it took quite a long time for me to look through clear glasses at the reality that stared me in the face for so long.
You’re narcissistic, and you could never love anyone but yourself. You deceived me with those false feelings you made me think was love. You used them to manipulate me into staying with you. I didn’t think you could love anyone at all, but now I know that you can only love yourself. I deserved better than you, and now I know it.
How could you be that selfish? How could you tell me that no other person could love me? Is that how self- loving you are that you need to belittle me to feel better? You treated me horribly and still expected me to stay with you even after that. You made me believe that I should be grateful that you even loved me because I was unworthy of love. You took away my self-esteem and self-worth and buried them under your insecurities.
What you didn’t expect was that I’d realize that I was worth more than what we had. I finally opened my eyes to the reality of our relationship and discovered that I didn’t deserve you, I deserved way better than you. I do, you know? I got tired of both of us being in love with the same person. I got tired of giving and never receiving. So, I walked away.
It wasn’t as difficult as you would have thought. Walking away was easy because I have had enough. I was fed up with me being the only builder in our relationship. It should have been a dual effort, but I realized that I had been doing it all alone. I realized that I didn’t deserve all the hurtful things you said to me and remembering them made taking those steps away from you easier. Yea, it was easy to walk away but I’ll never forgive you for the hell I passed through while putting myself together again.
Finding all the pieces of myself that I had lost to you was not an easy task at all. You will never know how hard and how tough it was for me to heal. It was a hard journey back to who I was before I met you and regained my positivity was a fight I didn’t think I’d win. It seemed as though I would never get over my fear of being with someone else but I did.
I got over that fear, and now I’m seeing someone else. He is everything you never were and everything you could never be. He cherishes me and treats me like a precious stone. He values me and all that I do for him and us. He doesn’t claim to be all-knowing and perfect but tries daily to be perfect for me. He does not belittle me. Not at all. Instead, he is my biggest cheerleader urging me to reach the peak. He has never laid his hands on me in anger and never would. I guess you’re surprised, but I did find someone like that.
Yes, I found someone who loves me. I guess you were wrong after all. He loves me and never lets me forget that he does. He has carved a place in his future for me and lets me share his dreams and goals for the future. I am important to him, I know because he never fails to remind me. He appreciates who I am and every little thing I do for him.
After you, it felt like forever before I could regain all the pieces of me that you collected. I got back my self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth. I discovered that it wasn’t my fault that you did those hurtful things like you made me believe. It took forever, but I did it. Meeting someone new, I did that too, although I had to learn to trust again. I’m with someone else, one who loves me, and is a hundred times better than you could ever hope to be. I did the impossible; I moved on.
The girl you hurt.