Being in a narcissistic relationship is tough. It can be very taxing to care for someone who loves just themselves. It can even be called poisonous to be in such a relationship.
Narcissistic people are people who suffer from the Narcissistic personality disorder. They are people who have an overblown opinion of themselves and do not hesitate to talk about their achievements. They also love themselves.
Only sadness follows a person who is in a narcissistic relationship because it seems as though all you do doesn’t really affect him. He loves and cares for himself only. He really only ever looks out for himself.
You feel cheated in a narcissistic relationship. Well, you are being cheated upon only your narcissistic partner is cheating on you with himself in the sense that he is giving his love to himself instead of you. You are also being cheated of a healthy loving relationship.
Being in a relationship with a narcissistic person is like being in a relationship with two different people or even multiple personalities depending on the level of narcissism. This is because their public image is carefully constructed and you alone are privy to their true selves which may be very far from their public personalities.
Narcissistic people also know how to keep you in a relationship with them even after they’ve revealed how bad they are. They manipulate people a lot and can make soft-hearted people believe that they are not narcissistic but just in need of love. Soon you begin to believe that you should stay to help them or because that’s the best you could ever get. They also strip you of your self-esteem and self-love, leaving you messed up and feeling emotionally inadequate.
As hard as it is being in a narcissistic relationship, leaving it is even more difficult. This is because you have become so used to catering to the needs of a person who doesn’t love you or care about you at all.
After a long time, you finally get the strength to leave; you are broken, emotionally and psychologically. Your idea of a relationship is skewed by the terrible experience you had with the narcissist. It will take a lot of time to jump back into dating and even after you begin to date a really good guy, you still have issues stemming from your last narcissistic relationship. It’s almost like you have post-traumatic stress disorder from your previous relationship and it’ll take the love and patience of a good guy to heal you.
Below are some of the things you’ll have a hard time with after you leave a narcissistic relationship and begin to date an awesome guy.
1. He wants to hear you talk about yourself, your day or just plain hear your voice
To people in a healthy relationship, this is a normal occurrence. But to you coming from a narcissistic relationship, it’s weird that he would like to hear you talk about anything even if it’s inconsequential so that he’ll hear your voice. You’re used to being the one forced to listen to the narcissist drone on and on about himself. So at first, your conversation skills might be rusty but with time, you’ll get used to being heard.
2. He constantly appreciates you
Most narcissistic people don’t appreciate other people because it makes those other people more important than they are. Skewed huh? But coming from a narcissistic relationship, you’re probably unused to being appreciated for the things that you do for your partner. So, when your partner compliments you or appreciates a specific action, you don’t know what to do or how to respond. Just another thing being in a narcissistic relationship does to you. Robs you even of the ability to accept compliments.
3. He courts your trust
This new person in your life knows that you’re just coming out of a horrible relationship and is slowly but surely courting your trust.
With his love and unwavering support, you too will relearn how to trust again. Because being a narcissistic relationship destroys your trust not only in men but in people. I mean, when you met your narcissistic ex, he was suave, charming and even ambitious until you got deep into the relationship only for you to realize that he is nothing like what you fell for. Trusting your new boyfriend will be one more thing that you will battle with.
4. He takes corrections and criticisms affably
One major thing about narcissistic people is their total inability to accept corrections and criticisms. It’s a no, no in their books and this can get tiring and scary when they begin to get too angry when their wrong doing is pointed out to them. In your new relationship, you find it hard even to tell your partner that he wronged you or did something wrong because you’re afraid of the outcome. However, when you finally ask, he is grateful for pointing out his shortcomings and promises to change for the better.
5. He treats you right. Like the princess you truly are.
One of the tools that narcissistic people use to enslave relationships with them is by destroying the self-esteem of their partners. They never say anything good about you but rather thrive on pointing out your faults to you. When you get into a relationship with a new guy who knows your worth and appreciates it. He treats you like a princess, catering to all your needs and making sure that you’re happy. It feels weird because it’s been a long time since your happiness has mattered to someone other than you or your family. Hang in there and enjoy, you deserve it.
6. The horror of horrors, he apologizes.
An apology in a narcissistic relationship is as rare as a red herring in a thick bush. That means very rare. Narcissistic people believe that they can do no wrong and simply do not apologize for that very reason. You are used to that utter disregard of your feelings and lack of apology when your feelings are hurt; you will be tickled pink to realize that your new guy apologizes. Just like everything else in normal healthy relationships, this one will also need getting used to. It’ll be a while before you get used to it but do get used to it quickly, you were cheated of it before.
7. A big one, he loves you
You more than anyone knows that a narcissist doesn’t love anyone but himself. But somehow along the way, he manipulates you into thinking that the fault is yours and that no one can love you either. Well, guess what, he lied. The fault was his. Because of this, it’s hard for you to believe that your new guy loves you and even when you do, its harder to understand why. My advice, remind yourself every day that you are lovable and if someone tells you they love you, say that to yourself every day too.
8. He is truthful and honest
Most if not all narcissistic people are good liars. They thrive on deceiving people either through telling them lies or by manipulating them into believing lies. One of your major hang-ups as a survivor of a narcissistic relationship would be the issue of trust. It’s hard enough that we find it hard to trust people. Imagine how much worse it’s going to be when you’re fresh from a horrible narcissistic relationship. You have to learn to trust that he is honest and truthful. Give him the benefit of the doubt and let him prove himself to you.
To survivors of narcissistic relationships, it takes a while for you to get on your feet again and even longer to get over the traumas of such a relationship and linger still to adjust to a healthy relationship. Keep trying to get on your feet, be positive and remind yourself that everybody isn’t a narcissistic person.
With time, these actions that show that you’re in a healthy relationship would cease to be weird and become a real lifestyle to you. Wish you the best.