Relationships never have a time when you are not worried about one thing or the other. It starts when you meet a cute, awesome guy, and then you are in that talking get to know each other stage. In this stage, you worry if you are saying the right things and overall trying not to look desperate while worrying and hoping you guys would become a thing. Then he asks, and you guys are dating now. Things are getting a bit deeper and intense between you two all of a sudden and nobody is saying anything, but now you’re asking yourself if he loves you or not. Then he does. Whew! Many people seem to think that when they cross this hurdle, everything in the relationship is done with and written in stone. Perhaps it is because of the fantasies, romantic novels, and fairy tales that give us all the wrong impression about love but most of us seem to think that love is a once in a lifetime thing, but it actually isn’t ( sorry to destroy your fantasies). The romance novel authors have blinded so many people to the truth of what true love really is. They go about telling us how love is really all we need in life, if it were, some people would not go hungry. Love does conquer walls, but those are the walls of the heart and not all of them. They tell us that love will find a way and the most misleading of them all; love lasts forever. Love does not last forever not even the love of our parents lasts forever. The end point is that we have been horribly deceived and mislead by romance writers.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that love does not exist because it does. People fall in love and soulmates do exist because I’ve seen someone who ended up with her soulmate, so I believe that they exist. Love is real, but I draw the line at granting it some sort of superpower that can literally fix your life. Another very important misconception about love that is everywhere these days is that love is enough no matter what storms the couple has to face in life. There are many proofs against this; I mean living proof. Some of the divorced couples I know separated not because they did not love each other, but because for one reason or the other they can no longer coexist in the same space.
One of the first and most recurring questions most girls ask at the end of every relationship is why he walked away especially when they loved the man. It is very difficult and tiring to have to connect the dots between the time when he loved you and the time when you knew for certain that he looked at you with empty eyes. How did he go from loving, caring and interested in you to a little bit cold and indifferent?
So, why do men really leave their partners even when they are in love with them? Does it then mean that love is a bit of a useless emotion? I mean, why ever fall in love someone when they could just up and walk away leaving you broken hearted. What is love then if there are no guarantees? There may be no upfront guarantees in love just as there aren’t any guarantees in life, but you can make your own guarantees. There are things that you should not do that will keep your man with you, and I’m here to show you what those things are in this article. So giddy-up.
Here are 7 good reasons why men do leave the women they love. Read them, make a checklist and avoid them.
1. YOU DO NOT APPRECIATE HIM
Everybody likes and wants to be appreciated. From a little child who has completed their chore to a grown-up who has managed a feat. The truth is, everyone needs attention whether from your partner, your parents or even a random stranger. It doesn’t matter; we just need to be appreciated. Although everyone would like to be appreciated, men need to be appreciated even more because somehow they can’t do without it.
Men are very notorious for having large but fragile egos. Egos that need to be stroked every once in a while. Try constantly. Not that men are the only ones who love to be appreciated, women also do, but it’s about the men today. Hopefully, you are a regular visitor to our website, and if you are then you must know how much men need to be appreciated and when they aren’t, they sulk. Maybe not but you get the idea right? Appreciation for men is a very important part of their relationships because it makes them feel so manly and proud of themselves and men love to feel that way about themselves. On the flip side though when a man does not feel as if his partner appreciates him, no amount of love would keep him content. Your relationship would no longer depend on you being an understanding partner or you being a good communicator or you having an off the charts chemistry. None of that would matter at all because he does not feel appreciated.
Most people immediately think of saying thank you a bazillion times to their partners and then having their relationships on point. No, sweetie. It’s much more than that. More than thank you every few seconds is a strong ability to understand the worth, quality, or importance of him as a person. His character, his views, and his opinions. Appreciation is a deep awareness and understanding of his goals, his agendas and the dreams try were born from. Of course, noting the worth of his actions with a simple thank, you is also a part of appreciating him. He might not do something for you in the way that you feel it should be done, but you appreciate him because part of appreciation is understanding the motives behind the action.
I have had the opportunity to talk to many men over the course of a couple of years as a sort of research for my numerous articles, and I discovered one thing. Appreciation is a huge part of the relationship for a man. That is why it is the first point on the list. Most of the men I talked to mentioned the lack of appreciation as one of the major reasons why they either left their relationships or ended their marriages. If a man senses that he isn’t appreciated by his partner, he will begin to feel uncomfortable around her and a bit ashamed of himself feeling as if he can no longer relax in her presence.
With appreciation, a woman can uphold or tear down a man and his self-confidence. Constant, honest appreciation from you would go a long way into boosting his self-confidence, and I inspire him to become a much better person. On the other side of the coin, when you fail to appreciate your partner it chips on his self-confidence until he begins to develop insecurities. Typically most men would not wait until they develop insecurities before walking away from that relationship.
2. YOU HAVE FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGED.
Who you used to be before you entered a relationship with him is ideally not who you are going to be afterward. That is because a few things would change. You and your partner would begin to resemble each other in character the longer you spend time with each time. Some of his character would rub off on you and some of yours on him, and the end product would be two people who think and act alike. This is what happens when people say that a couple has become so connected that they can understand each other without speaking. As the years roll by, your partner will become one of the most important factors in making your decisions. More important than your other friends not that you would totally ignore those.
One thing that most people forget when they enter a new relationship is the need to maintain their individuality still. Don’t get so immersed in your new relationship that you lose yourself in it. Keep a part of the old you no matter how advanced your relationship is. While it would not only serve as a fail-safe for you should that relationship end, it would double as a bit of spice in your relationship making your partner see a new you once in a while. Maintaining your individuality would also make for interesting conversations between you and your partner.
Another part of changing on a fundamental level has to do with physical appearance. I know it is a touchy subject, but it has to be said. Please take no offense, but some women are known to slack off in the physical appearance department after they have been in a relationship for a while. It really is natural to us to slack off a bit after we have gotten into a good relationship, but we have to make conscious efforts to go against the flow. Being in a relationship is not an excuse to slack off in your physical appearance.
Book yourself a day at the spa, visit the hairdresser for that trimming you have been putting off and be sure to try on new hairstyles. Don’t be boring. Get new clothes and make sure to drop in at the gym if you used to be an avid member. Note that you are not doing this just for your partner or your relationship. You are also doing this for yourself. Before your partner would appreciate your efforts, you must have appreciated them yourself and gained an ounce or two of self-confidence. When you try to look good, your partner feels humble that you would go through so much effort to look good for him. It also makes you look even more alluring to him no matter how deeply involved both of you are.
I am not asking you to make it a do or die affair and in the process get stressed out. Take things easy but always make sure that the you before your relationship is equal to the you now in appearance.
This is just to clarify a point for you. A man would understand if you add on a few pounds especially after you have gotten pregnant. They would be able to live with the stretch marks that might come from being pregnant or adding a bit of weight. They do not have unrealistic ideas about aging but what they would absolutely not take from their partners is a shabby physical appearance. Keeping yourself shabby at home makes you unattractive to stay with, and they might meet someone else.
3. HE THINKS THAT HE CANNOT MAKE YOU HAPPY
Maybe this comes from a man having to satisfy his ego and feel manly. Perhaps it is because of some sort of caveman gene that had passed through the ages that induce men always to want to take good care if their women. Provide for her, protect her and make her happy. It makes a man feel good to be able to not only take good care of his woman but to also make her happy. It is a huge blow to his ego and self-esteem that his woman is not happy with him and once he senses that, he would do everything possible to rectify that mistake. On the off chance that he still can’t, he would walk away.
This almost obsessive need to make sure that his woman is happy is directly proportional to the man’s need to be understood. They just can’t help trying to make you happy. It does not matter how hot a woman is or how beautiful, if a man tries all that he can to keep her happy and satisfied in bed and out of it and it fails, he would leave that relationship.
Perhaps you feel that your myriad experiences state otherwise, but they really can’t change the fact that decent men, in general, are filled with a need to keep their women happy and satisfied.
Ever wondered why it is an almost obsessive need? It has something to do with being appreciated by their partners. Think about it for a second, if your man does something particularly sweet to make you happy, don’t you gush in appreciation to let him know that you liked what he did. Of course, you will, and this would start some sort of chain reaction where he does something you like, you appreciate him, he feels good, and then does something else that you would like, and the chain continues.
Now ladies, pay close attention to this part. That a man feels the need genetically to make you happy if you are in a relationship does not mean that you would take advantage of that. It is not your partner’s job to be in charge of your happiness, and it shouldn’t be, he is just a part of your happiness. You should be in charge of your happiness for several reasons one being that should that relationship crash for any reason down the road; you don’t want to be left feeling so devastated.
Even the men themselves do not want the job of being your only ticket to happiness. It sort of puts a huge duty and stress on his mind and one day all that stress and duty might spill over into your relationship in the form of angst. He just wants to be a part of your happiness and to know that he is adding to your happiness is enough for him. Nothing like a happy woman to keep a man feeling good in his relationship.
4. NEGATIVITY EVERYWHERE.
Some people are meant to be tolerated in doses. Really small doses because of the type of negativity they spew. A dose of negative from these people can literally sour your entire day. That’s how bad they are, and I know from experience. It is usually worse when you have any type of relationship with them. If you are the sort of person that always brings negativity into all your interactions with people, your partner may begin to feel like he has been cursed with a burden. Now, this negativity usually stems from one or both of the partners failing to find happiness on their own and expecting the other partner to be their sole source of happiness.
If you as a woman fails to find happiness in your life outside your relationship, you become a duty to your man. One that he won’t like and soon, he would begin to spend more and more time away from you, and before you know it, he would leave the relationship.
You need to understand that for the men, happiness is one of the most important things in a relationship. Men are drawn to whatever makes them feel good and walk away from what makes them feel bad. It’s as simple as that. If you want him to stay, you know what you have to do.
You might be thinking, so what happens when things don’t go as planned or when I go through a rough patch. Does that mean that he will leave me in the lurch just because things don’t feel good? There are two sides to this. If a man does not love you or have any sort of deep feelings for you, he would only come around when things are rosy and disappear when they aren’t. On the other hand, if he loves you, truly loves you, he would be there all through the storm holding your hand and making sure that you don’t splinter apart. However, rough patches are one thing, while a negative attitude is another. Rough patches are a part of life but not negativity. Try to be positive most of the time.
5. DIVERGING INTERESTS AND GOALS
No matter how much a couple loves each other or how strong their connection is. How compatible they are or how much of a cute couple they make, if their dreams and goals diverge instead of converging. Unlike what happens in the romantic novels when somehow love conquers all and all the issues and conflicts are magically resolved. Love is built on a foundation of like characters and values. If you and your partner do not have the same basic principles and values, sooner later, that relationship would crumble. I have seen it happen to many relationships before.
For instance, a man who is big on saving and storing up a nest egg for the rainy days meets and falls in love with a woman who enjoys spending money lavishly. As soon as money enters her hands, she spends it. Note that this couple really loves themselves, but over time her spending character would begin to grate on him because he has a different value when it comes to money. He would try really hard to understand her but would not be able to simply because he believes in something else. Why would someone decide to spend all their money without having savings in case something comes up? But now their relationship has advanced to the point that all that is expected from them is marriage and yet the young man can’t bring himself to ask, and after a lot of deliberation, he finally decides to break it off. He does this for two major reasons. One of those being that since he does not like her attitude towards money and has a different view from hers, he would soon resent her so much that the relationship would end in spite. His other reason is that he has no plans of supporting her fancy lifestyle and so it would be better if he left.
Some of the things to consider in a long-term relationship include how many kids both partners want to have, where they would like to live and raise a family, what party they would choose or if they don’t belong to any faith at all and other basic views and opinions.
Don’t worry about looking too eager. Try to subtly find out from your partner early on in the relationship where he stands on some important issues so that you would know whether to walk away before your feelings get engaged or whether to stay. Don’t stay back if you have diverging goals and dreams and hope that somehow the love you feel for each other would conquer all and smoothen your path. It does not work like that in real life. If you don’t take care of this important matter, then your relationship might soon crumble.
6. YOU ARE A FIXER UPPER.
No matter how sly you think you are about trying to fix your partner, his guts alert him. He would notice it immediately. Once he does, you are red flagged and tagged.
Men have fragile egos, and nagging, prodding, correction, and criticism can bruise that ego so much that they begin to resent you and your position in their lives totally removed. They begin to lose interest in you because just like I said earlier, men are drawn to what makes them feel good, and if you constantly nag and criticize them, then they would be forced to leave that relationship because they do not feel good anymore.
This is not to say that you would not encourage your partner to become a better version of himself. What is a relationship if you cannot impact on each other positively. Instead of making your partner feel inadequate and incomplete because of his shortcomings you should try to lovingly help him grow and encourage him all the way as he improves himself to become the man you truly deserve. Your partner would also appreciate you very much for helping him to grow and become a much better person.
Like I said before, a man’s ego is very fragile, and thus they react strongly to criticism and blame. You really might be trying to get them to become better versions of themselves, but they really won’t care about the intentions only how they feel about the criticism. So even if you want to get them to change something about themselves, you have to come from a different angle other than that of coming at him from the bad guy angle. It would only serve to irritate and push him further away.
Appreciate him as he is, correct him lovingly, and for the love of all that is holy, do not compare him to your ex-partners, nag him or blame him constantly. Men hate these three things and would not hesitate to walk away from a relationship that has those three.
7. SHE IS TOO CLINGY
Nothing raises a man’s red flag in a relationship like a clingy woman. Clingy women are the perfect recipe for disaster. They come with a lot of emotional baggage and insecurity that most men don’t want to bother themselves with that type of drama. You become the dose of toxic in his life, and no man wants to carry the burden of your emotional insecurities unless he really loves you. But if he doesn’t, then you are just a burden to him, and he won’t like it.
Once a man notices that you have a lot of emotional baggage and insecurities that have made you cling to him as tightly as the sucker on an octopus can cling to another surface, he would panic. His freedom would be in jeopardy and considering how much men love their freedom, they would quickly seek to end that relationship. A clingy woman would want to monitor all their movements, need some sort of reassurance every 2 seconds and can go loco if their texts aren’t responded to within a specified time.
The typical man does not get in touch with his feelings especially when said feelings involve someone who isn’t their family member. They would always battle with themselves before finally settling. So if they notice you being very clingy, they might not say anything, but their actions would speak for them.
To summarize, if after reading this article, none of the reasons talked about is similar to any of the reasons he walked away from you, then perhaps he just didn’t love you as much as he should have. At the end of the day though, a bunch of reasons don’t do a thing to help you understand why someone who claimed to love you could easily walk away from you because true love would stay back and fight for its partner. True love would not give its partner up talk less of being the one to walk away. If he did not fight for you at all or gave up too soon, then you are better off with your brand of love.
Love alone does not really matter. There are other very important things on which every long-term relationship should stand on. Fundamental values and basic traits. Do you and your partner enjoy the same music, television shows, books views on life and core values such as integrity and converging goals? If you don’t, no amount of love would be enough. Unlike what they tell us in those romantic novels that love is some sort of magical process that happens when two predestined souls meet. It is a feeling that is formed and then maintained by sheer hard work, sacrifice, and compromise from both partners. If you don’t put in the necessary work needed to sustain the love, it won’t stay.
Don’t buy into the unfair generalization that all men are scum. They aren’t. Not all of them just up and walk away when for no good reason. People don’t just leave a relationship for nothing. It is a gradual process that slowly builds up to them leaving.