Domestic violence can be one of the most scarring things to happen to any girl; especially if she was in love with the man who hurt her. A girl who has suffered domestic violence and walked away has overcome a lot, and although she is now ready to be in a relationship with you, she still carries a lot of scarring and damage from her previous relationship. She will need a man who loves her and is ready to protect her. In addition to that, she would also need a man who has a firm grip on his emotions and above all, she needs a man who will help her heal.
As someone who wants to be in a relationship with a domestic violence victim, you will need to know a few things about her. Things that were caused by her experience. The knowledge of these facts will help you be the man that she needs and ensure that your relationship progresses well.
1. She will never forget her experience, no matter how much she wants to.
Domestic violence victims wish more than any other thing that they could erase the memories of what happened to them, but they never can. The horror of their past would always be with them serving as a hard lesson learned and sometimes coloring some of the actions they take. As the man who wants to love and be with her, you will need to understand this so that you would know how to make her feel better on the days that the memories come alive. You need to know that what happened to her was not her fault, however it was plain bad luck. She will need your unwavering love, care, and understanding to get through the bad days.
2. Know that she will be wary of physical contact.
Knowing that she is coming from an abusive relationship where the man she loved constantly hurt her physically, you will have to be careful when initiating physical contact. She will be wary of being touched in any capacity at first. Don’t feel bad or rejected, she’s still a bit afraid of physical contact. Know that she isn’t rejecting you, she wants to be held and touched but she still has to overcome her fear. What she needs from you is your understanding and patience. She needs you to move at her pace, letting her decide what physical contact she is ready for and when. When she is ready, she will let you know, and the benefits of your patience will be reaped.
3. She is like a ship without an anchor.
When someone that you trust and love hurts you deliberately and repeatedly, it does something more than give you physical wounds; it wounds your emotions. Her emotions are in constant turmoil, and she begins to question everything she has ever felt. She drifts along life, trying to rediscover herself and learn to trust her judgment again. She will need you to be her anchor in these foreign waters. You have to be her leader, showing her the path to follow and helping her make the right decisions for herself. You will need to let her work through her issues and be there to listen when she wants to talk. She will also need your strength to help her feel safe.
4. She needs you to let her tell her story when she is ready.
Walking away from her abusive relationship was hard; more so when she was in love with her abuser. Getting into another relationship was even harder, and telling you her horrifying experiences is going to be the hardest. I know you would like to know all about her last relationship down to the smallest detail, and it can be hard to accept that she doesn’t want to talk about it. Because loving her as you do, you want to know what her ex did to her so that you can reassure her. However, hard as it might be, you need to be patient. Understand that the memories she has are painful and that they remind her of her bad judgment. Give her space, and when she is ready, she will tell you all about it.
5. She needs to know that she is a survivor.
She will finally gain the strength to tell you all about her experiences from her last relationship. They will be painful and sad. If you love her, you will feel very upset that she went through such horrifying things, and as much as she wants you to sympathize with her, she doesn’t want your pity. She is too strong and has overcome too much for that. What she wants you to tell her is that she is the bravest woman you know. She doesn’t want to be seen as a victim; rather she wants you to be proud of her strength and bravery. And above all, she wants to be reassured that you love her and would never hurt her like her ex did.
6. She has learned to demand the best from life.
Going through what she did and coming out on the other side has not only given her a new strength of character but has also taught her a few truths about life and herself. One of these truths is that she deserves the best in life. She has been through so many terrible things in her last relationship that she now demands the best for herself. She is ready to pay attention to her happiness and emotional well-being more than ever before. You need to know this and treat her well because if you don’t, she will walk away from you.
Going into a relationship with a girl who has been in a domestic violent relationship is not an easy task because of the damage that she comes with. You need to exercise a lot of patience and show her a lot of love to help her fully overcome the effects of her last relationship. The six truths above will guide you through your relationship and hopefully help you be the man that she needs.