Finding out that your man has been cheating on you is one of the most painful and damaging things to happen to someone in a relationship. You feel less than a true woman. You are filled with anger directed not only at your man but also at the woman he cheated on you with. You are filled with so much hatred for her and more than anything you wish you had never met him before.
The first thing that would enter your mind is that your man was lured away by a highly trained woman in seduction and that she is the reason that your marriage or relationship is breaking and so you would be out for her blood. Don’t. Do not go after the other woman for several reasons. One of them is that at that moment of discovery, you are not entirely sane or in charge of all your faculties. Grief, pain, and anger can be good influencers of a bad decision. At that moment, all that is going through your mind is how to make sure that both your husband and the other woman feel as much pain as you do and this might make you do something that you would regret later on.
So, what you should do first is to calm down. Yes, it does sound a bit impossible, but then that is the first thing that you should do if you are going to avoid the next three things that would be discussed in this article.
In the heat of the moment, when all your emotions are bouncing around, and you aren’t the least in control of yourself, you tend to do 3 things that you shouldn’t do, and in this article, I’m going to be discussing all three of them in depth with you.
1. DON’T TRY TO FIND OUT ABOUT THE AFFAIR.
It can be hard not to try to find out when everything went wrong and most importantly, why it all went wrong. When did this affair start? How long has it been going on for? Where did he initially meet her? Where did they subsequently meet after the affair had begun and when did these meetings occur? All these questions are going to be playing on a loop in your mind after you find out that your significant other has been cheating on you. In a way, you just want to know what prompted that first meeting. Was it something you did that day? Did both of you have an argument or is he just a douchebag?
You are filled with an inexplicable urge to know every single thing that happened right down to the last details. Because somewhere inside of you, you need to know what you did wrong or where you got it wrong so that you can understand why the man you love, one who also claims that he loves you would cheat on you. My advice? Quell that urge. It would do you no good. Do not go investigating what happened. It would only hurt you more.
Going around asking questions and facing off with certain people would not help matters, and you would end up feeling so much worse than before. Once it is clear to you with concrete evidence that your significant other has been cheating on you, my best advice to you would be to pack your things and leave that relationship. You might want to let him know how you feel about his actions but let that be the end of it. Don’t try to get him back, just leave.
Burn all your bridges. There is no going back to that relationship. Let him know that you would not be coming back ever again despite what excuses he has for his behavior. Not because it would make you look dignified to other people but because you deserve better and there is no point making a fuss out of someone who does not deserve you.
Walk away as quickly as you can. Don’t give him the chance to fill your head with a lot of lies and excuses because trust me; cheaters always have a bag full of tricks and lies. Don’t let him shift the blame to you. Don’t let him get away with the whole “you were always working, you did not have any time for me” excuse. It should not be the reason for him to cheat besides he could have broken the relationship up before going for someone who had time for him.
2. DON’T PUT ALL THE BLAME ON THE OTHER WOMAN
There are two sides to the issue of the other woman. One of them is that most times douchebags would not tell the other woman that they are in a committed relationship with someone else. So, sometimes the ‘other woman’ has no idea that she is the other woman and as shocked as you are on finding out that you have been deceived and played by the man that you love, she also feels the same way. She feels just as heartbroken as you are because she too has been deceived by the man that she loves and whom she thought loved her too. In fact, she would feel worse when she finds out that she came second to you in that relationship and would feel like a home wrecker which she is not. So, before you want to apportion blame to the other woman just remember to ask questions because the ‘other woman’ might have thought that she was the main chick.
The other side to the other woman theory is what most of us have encountered when our significant others cheat. It is the bad mannered home wrecker who is aware of our existence but is so desperate to be with a man that she would still poach on another woman’s territory. This is the worst kind of woman. The type that is uncaring enough to go after another woman’s man. Going to blame her is a waste of strength because she did not break your heart, your significant other did that. He is the one that you should blame. He broke all the promises he made to you; the other girl did not make you any promises at all. So, you need to place the blame where it should go to, on your man. He is the one to be blamed for the pain, anger, and doubt that you feel.
Have you ever heard this saying about a cheating man? Don’t blame the woman because if not her, it would have been another woman. When a man is bent on cheating on his partner, it does not matter what woman he would make use of; the bottom line is that he would cheat. The woman you see is the one that he picked.
Another thing that you should not do at all is to blame the woman for trapping your man. Or for catching him at his low point. First of all, your man is not an animal to be trapped. He is a human being who has choices, and if he gets trapped by a barracuda, then he wanted to get trapped. A man that does not want to cheat would not cheat. It’s as simple as that. Don’t put the blame on the woman alone. Don’t act like your significant other had no choice in the whole thing. There are many attractive women out there and if your significant other wanted to cheat he would cheat. It isn’t the woman’s fault that she is attractive. Blame your man.
While you are nursing your wounds from being lied to by your partner, most of us succumb to the path of self-blame and self-pity. You begin to compare yourself to that woman, and whenever you do, you fall short of her. She is not better than you are. She might be more beautiful, but she isn’t a better specimen than you. That is not why he cheated. He cheated because he is a douchebag who does not care about your feelings. He cheated on you because he did not value the love you have for him. So, don’t entirely put the blame on the woman. It is a joint effort.
3. DON’T TRY TO KEEP HIM WITH YOU BY CHANGING WHO YOU ARE.
When a man you love cheats on you, it is so much harder to accept and to let go of him. I mean how long have you been together? You have invested your feelings in him, and now he wants to throw away all these years of love, sacrifice, and commitment for another woman? You would not be able to wrap your mind around letting him go. So, you would then go investigate. You would try to find out everything about this other woman who has caused your significant others attention. Is she slimmer than you are? Is she a regular to the gym? Does she run every morning? Does she eat very healthy? Does she have long hair? Is it straight? What types of clothes does she like to wear? Is she the type of girl who likes to party or does she prefer to stay at home? Does she like to cook or is she an order a pizza type of girl? Is she a freak in bed or does she play the virgin role very well? What makes her so different from you? What is it that attracts your significant other to her?
These are the questions that would keep playing on a loop in your mind. Because there must be something different that you don’t have that made your significant other to cheat on you with her. At this point you would feel your ineptitude so much, a lack of confidence and self-esteem would ensue. You might want to run away from him and the problems that have arisen from his cheating on you but then you might also decide to stay and fight for your relationship.
Whether you run away to someone’s place to stay for a while and let yourself process what really happened or you never leave the relationship, please don’t try to recreate yourself in the image of the other woman in a bid to keep your boyfriend with you. He did not cheat on you because of what he saw in her that you did not have in you, no, he cheated on you because he is a weak spined man. It is no fault of yours that your partner cheated on you. So don’t let him win over you. Don’t change who you are to measure up to what you think he was looking for in the fling he had with the other woman. Don’t do that to yourself.
Don’t be sucked into believing that she is better than you and that you need to become her if you are going to ever get your partner back. Just move on with your life. Yea right, like it is easy. It isn’t but you just have to do it one day at a time and as you keep going through the days, always remind yourself of the many reasons why you are an awesome person whom any guy out there would be lucky to be in a relationship with. Always remind yourself that your ex-significant other did not deserve you and it’s good riddance if you left him. Just be yourself, and you would find someone who is worth it.
So, you have seen the three mistakes women who are cheated on make and why they should not be suckered into making them. Just remember that you should not investigate the affair, don’t entirely blame the other woman and never change yourself in a bid to keep that relationship. Avoid doing any of these three things, and you would have an easier time getting over being cheated on. Always remember that you deserve better and keep holding out for that better.