From my experience with people over many long years, I’ve come to realize that there are people are not able to stay in a relationship for many different reasons. Most times, these people love their partners and are pretty much appealing to the opposite sex but somehow always end up lonely or in very toxic relationships. I view them as damaged people.
These damaged people provide very interesting dates for people but exhibit a phobia for any lasting attachment to other people. I think they are too damaged to be loved by others because they either exhibit negative attitudes towards their partners or they don’t have a fundamental knowledge of what relationships entail.
Although sometimes the reasons could be that they come with detrimental emotional baggage they need to work through before getting into a new relationship, or they have a really negative outlook on what relationships should be about.
You will recognize these damaged people from their actions such as physically and verbally abusing their partners, constantly cheating on their partners, and some even go as far as raping other people. All of these actions they take are meant to hurt other people because deep down they hurt a lot and so don’t want other people to be happy when they aren’t, and that is also a part of their problems.
They might not even connect the dots to realize that the reason none of their relationships ever work out is because of them and even if they do know this, they might choose to blame others.
If you have recognized yourself in the description above, it means two things. One, you can actually change for the better by consciously working on yourself, and the other thing is that you have so much work to do before you can successfully date someone and be in a healthy relationship with them.
Just in case you are on the fence as to whether you are damaged or not, the 12 signs discussed in the next part of this article would help you understand yourself.
1. Seeing and hearing about happy couples makes you angry.
What this says about you is that you are in a bitter and miserable state which probably comes from being hurt by someone. What this unfortunately means is that from the amount of harmful energy surrounding you, you will have to work very hard towards ridding yourself of that bitterness or no one would want to date you which will make you even more bitter. And the cycle will keep repeating itself.
2. You set the bar very high for your prospective dates while yours is low.
It’s important to discern what you want from a prospective date early and ensure that you put those at the top of the list so that you don’t get sidetracked by other things you might seem less important.
However, you should know that your prospective dates are also setting up their list of criteria and you have to meet up to theirs, or they will not date you even if they meet up to your own standards. For instance, you cannot put having a successful career on your list of criteria when you can hardly support yourself with your waitressing job. Things don’t work that way, and this might be one of the unhealthy reasons contributing to your issues.
3. You become antagonistic to people when they don’t date you even after you guys have been friends.
This is another one of the unhealthy beliefs that you have. You cannot force someone to like you enough to date you and you need to understand that it is their choice to date who they want to and nothing you do would change it. You need to know that they have the right to friend zone you if they do not feel attracted to you and it’s also not the same as breaking your heart because all that existed between both of you was friendship and nothing else.
You try to give them things to somehow guilt them into being attracted to you but attraction cannot be bought and neither can they be negotiated. It’s either there, or it isn’t.
4. You date people not because you really like them but because other people would.
If you are picking your dates based on a need to impress some other person, then you have a damaged self-esteem. You let your insecurities push you into making relationship decisions based on what someone else would think and any relationship formed for this reason is doomed to fail from the start.
It goes to show that you measure your worth in the eyes of others and it can be damaging. You need to seek professional help to understand why you constantly live for the approval of other people.
5. You are physically, verbally and emotionally abusive to your partner.
Being abusive in whatever form is a sure fire sign that you are too damaged to be in any relationship. If your exes fear physical harm from you so much that they are forced to file restraining orders on you, then its time to accept that the fault is yours and find a way to change things.
6. You view your prospective partners as props to help you cope.
When your prospective partners cease to be flesh and blood people with feelings, hopes, and dreams to you, then you really are broken.
Broken people often see their future partners as fixtures in their lives meant to serve a purpose, such as making them look good in the eyes of others. This makes it easier for them to use them and later dump them without a care for their feelings are all. If this is something you do, then you seriously need to rethink your life and seek professional help.
7. Many people have commented unfavorably on your attitude.
If it becomes a routine occurrence for you to hear regularly from many people that your attitude is terrible and you need serious help, then you most probably do.
If your family, friends, and even strangers are always pointing out something wrong with your attitude, then it’s time for an attitude adjustment.
8. You let your parents control your life
Having a close relationship with your parents is cool and nothing that arouses concern. However, it raises a flag when you let your parents and other family members control your relationship even to the extent of deciding who you will date without standing up to them.
It’s a sign of immaturity on your part because you probably haven’t grown up mentally with all of the coddling and excessive control your parents wield over your life. Trust me; nobody wants to date someone whose parents make all the important decisions in their lives.
9. Nobody wants to spend time with you irrespective of their gender.
It’s very much understandable if your exes run away from you and, to an extent, understandable if people of the opposite sex tend to stay away from you but when everyone wants to stay away from you, then you must have a personality disorder.
You need to learn how to socialize and interact better with people and change what is chasing people away.
10. You take out the hurt you feel on innocent people
If you are the type of person to cheat in a new relationship because your ex-cheated on you and you say every guy is the same, then you really have a problem that needs checking out. Even when you know that you will regret your actions when all is said and done, you still go through with it.
You are hurting an innocent person who is oblivious to what caused you pain but finds himself paying for it. You need to work through your bitter and hurt feelings and talking to a professional psychologist might help you a lot.
11. You have a phobia for commitment and abandonment.
Due to past relationships or even deep-seated issues stemming from childhood trauma, your deep fear of being abandoned negatively manifests itself in your relationships then, it’s time you worked through those issues. You might want to stay away from the dating scene while you’re doing this though.
Being commitment phobic simply means actively avoiding anything serious in a relationship. While doing this, you might hurt your partner who might be in that relationship for keeps. You should definitely get to the root of your problems and stay away from the dating scene would be better for you in the meantime.
12. You never take responsibility for your actions, and other people have noticed.
It is a very annoying thing when someone does something wrong and refuses to accept the blame. This is detrimental to you for several reasons, one of which is the fact that without accepting responsibility for a wrong action, you will neither learn nor change. Another pitfall is that your partner with get tired of shouldering the blame all the time especially when it is clear that the fault is yours. The third is that no one would want to be around you at all.
You should learn to take the blame when due. It is a sign of a person who is willing to change for the better and your relationship would last longer.
If you could associate with more than half of the 12 traits above, then you are a damaged person, and you need to work on yourself.