In today’s society it is expected that once we are born into the world, and we have grown into adults, we find the love of our lives and then settle down with them. And these behavioral patterns are reinforced by pop culture and entertainment. Folklore, movies, and cartoons all tell us that we have someone who is meant for us and that when we meet such a person, we would get married and live happily ever after. Of course, there could be problems or conflict here and there. But these problems usually occur at the beginning of the relationship and fizzle out as the couple shows that their love for each other can withstand those problems. With marriage shown to be the ultimate show of the couples conquering or overcoming their problems. And after that, they get to live in peace and harmony forever.
But reality begs to differ, one-third of marriage are inevitably heading for the rocky shores of divorce on or before 30 years. This points to the stark truth that says that having a happy home takes a lot of effort and sacrifice. And even when couples have put in all that their tanks can offer, they still aren’t guaranteed a great marriage.
And some of these problems have been shed light on by relationship experts. But just as couples who do the right aren’t guaranteed a great marriage, the presence of this factors in a marriage doesn’t automatically mean that you would have a rocky marriage. But they do definitely increase the chances of couples having a divorce
There is very little you can do to control these factors, but you can try to do some other things to better your relationship. You have to be very efficient at communicating with your significant other. Also get into the habit of sharing experiences together. Also be very careful when you set your expectations for yourself and that of your partner. Remember that the both of you are humans with your flaws and all. Yes, you should always improve but also bear in mind that self-improvement is a lifelong journey. When you do such, you begin to move into a relationship with a partner; you would do so with a solid and realistic view of what a relationship or marriage should be and not what it could have been – which often is a fantasy.
Discussed in detail below, are the ten signs that show that you could be headed for an imminent divorce.
1. You’re A Child Of Divorced Parents
Yes, this is true. When kids and their parents go through a divorce, it is very likely that they themselves would have a divorce when they get into marriages as adults.
And although a lot of people may be lead to think that this is something for to the nature of environments they left in, the case is actually different. A new scientific study says that this trend could be caused by genetics instead. And this theory was justified by the observation made with adopted kids who ended up being divorcees. It was found that although these kids grew up in pretty stable households, they still followed the trend set by their biological parents.
Seeing your parents go through a divorce can contribute to the probability of you experiencing divorce yourself. However, according to a new study in Psychological Science, this may actually have more to do with nature than nurture. Researchers found that the patterns of marriage and divorce of adults who had been adopted as kids were more similar to those of their biological parents, not their adoptive ones.
2. You Have Different Drinking Habits Than Your Spouse
Some relationships might have lucky partners who share the same view of the world and have the same type of friends they hang out together with. But for others, it might not be that rosy. If you are in a relationship where your partner is the extroverted party and booze-loving type while you are the nerd who likes to stay indoors, then you are in for a problem. A scientific study published in 2014 by the University Of Buffalo, says that scientists have discovered that about 45 to 55 percent of couples with one partner being a heavy drinker and party going person usually got divorced before their marriage was ten years old. But when both partners were in it together they barely had problems as only 35% of them went their separate ways.
3. You Got Married Waiting Too Long
This might be very surprising for you, but the truth is this, those who decide to wait too long when they are in search of their partners, end up being at risk of having divorces when they finally settle down. That also doesn’t mean that people who rush into marriages at a very young age fare any better. In fact, statistics show that those who get married in their early twenties or late teens end up in divorce as compared with those who get married in their late twenties and early thirties.
So it is advisable that you be moderate and avoid both extremes of the waiting spectrum.
4. You’re Very Good Looking
Yes, although your good looks could get you favors it also comes with its own cross. Most attractive people in a relationship are under a lot of pressure to have extramarital affairs. They catch the attention of most and would, therefore, be bombarded with unsolicited advances. Ever wondered why high profile celebrity couples don’t last long and those that do eventually end up in divorce? The point above is the answer to your question.
But when it comes to average looking people, they aren’t always tempted to stray from their marriages or relationships. In fact, a scientific research paper that was published recently says that being physically attractive could increase the chances of one being divorced.
5. You Paid Lots Of Money For Your Wedding
A lot of people do spend ungodly amounts of money on weddings. And there are a lot of reasons why this is so. But when it comes to the actual picture of how this can be a factor in being divorced, we have to see what Emory University researchers say about this. They found out that couples who splashed over $20,000 on their wedding were more likely to get divorced as compared to couples spent in the range of $5000 to $10000. And they also added another interesting fact to what was stated above. They said that couples who spent just about a thousand dollars on their matrimonial party were the least likely to go their separate ways.
This is a very interesting phenomenon, and there are other hypotheses to help understand the trend that was discussed above. One is that spending so much money on a wedding can be very hard on your pockets. And when it happens to be a case where the newly married couples spend more than they can afford, they often go into debt which in turn puts financial stress on a very young union. And so from the get-go, they would have to struggle with little to no resources to run their home. Another thing here is that the high divorce rate in couples who spend heavily on lavish weddings could be an indicator of one or both couples not having good money habits. In such marriages where one of the couples has bad spending habits, there could be serious dissatisfaction in the way the spending partner handled things, by the more conservative partner. Especially since the both of them share the brunt of the mistakes of one. That could create a bridge between the two of them which could lead to a divorce.
6. You Didn’t Waste Time Getting Pregnant
The length of time you are willing to wait before having the baby bump could affect the longevity of your marriage. Data from the CDC backs the claim above as it shows that ladies who got pregnant after at least eight months of marriage had a higher chance of getting to 15 years of marriage and higher together.
While those who had their pregnancies before marriage, or less than six months into the marriage have a very high chance of having a divorce. This could be the fact that the early months or sometimes even years of marriage should be spent together in each partner’s company. That helps to build a strong bond of love and understanding between the two partners. When the babies begin to come such attention is diverted from each other to the kids, and when the couple hasn’t spent a significant amount of time with each other, you find out that they may not be able to manage the stress that comes with being emotionally ignored. But for those who waited a little longer, they tend to be emotionally stable and understanding of each other.
7. Your First Child Is A Daughter
This point looks strange? Well, I’ll explain. According to a controversial 2014 study, girls have a higher chance of surviving turbulent pregnancies as compared to boys. And when these rough pregnancies are as a result of a rocky relationship, then there would be a very high chance of girls to be born into such relationships instead of boys. And this is especially true when your first-born is female. In fact, data shows that couples who have female firstborns have a higher rate of divorce as compared to their counterparts who don’t have female first-borns
8. You Don’t Have A College Degree
So apparently, if you don’t get a college degree or drop out of college, then there are very big chances of you dropping out of your marriage. And this isn’t based on some uninformed opinions; a scientific research has shown that couples with only high school diploma or GED are very much likely to have tumultuous marriages that finally end up in divorces as compared to those couples who finished or completed their education in higher institutes of learning. So it might benefit you to stick through your college education if you really want to escape having a rough marriage that will inevitably lead to a divorce.
But then again, one might ask why this is a factor that affect the smooth running of marriages? Well there is a very common sense answer to that thoughtful question.
College graduates would earn more money than their counterparts in who didn’t go to college. This is because high-level skills will always be rewarded with more money and prestige as compared to low-level skills. And a lot of these high-level skills are taught in colleges or other similar higher schools of learning.
You know that majority of marriages hit the rocks as a result of financial or monetary issues. This is the grim reality of things. To sustain a union such as marriage, you have to have the adequate resources to do so. And with kids coming into the picture, it could get complicated.
Such situations cause a lot of stress in the relationship. And when you have one or both partners not handle the stress well, things could get out of hand thus leading to a divorce.
The scenario painted above is very typical of a marriage between two partners who didn’t go to college. They would most likely have low-level skills that make them qualify for low paying jobs that put them in financial stress.
9. You Grew Up Without A Religious Father
This tends to apply more to women than men. A scientific research paper has shown that ladies who were raised in a religious household that had a strong father figure, we’re likely to stay in their marriages when compared to their nonreligious counterparts. In fact, it goes on to explicitly state that nonreligious ladies only managed a 43% success rate at a marriage lasting 20 years. And the reasons behind the successful marriages of religious ladies could be that they – the religious ladies, have been encouraged to make their marriages work especially when going through rocky times. And to only go the route of divorce in extreme cases of conflict. So that explains why a lot of women that don’t come from religious backgrounds end up having more divorces as compared to those who do come from religious backgrounds. Also having a strong father figure could count for a well-balanced development for men and women alike. And this could make them a lot stable psychologically and emotionally. And all that counts towards making them better partners to be with in a marriage and as a result help them avoid divorces.
10. You’ve Already Been Divorced Before
Another major factor in a divorce is a previous divorce. CDC says that 40% of second marriages end up in divorce before they can have the ten year anniversary. But at the same time that doesn’t mean that if your past relationships or marriages didn’t go well, then all other relationships wouldn’t go well too. But it is very important to leave a bad relationship with lessons. Your ex-partner can’t be the only problem that leads to the breaking of your marriage or relationship. Even if he/she is really a toxic person, you also have to try to scrutinize yourself too. Truth be told, you could actually be at fault for your past marriage or relationship hitting the rocks. And there is nothing wrong with being at fault so far as you recognize your faults and then try to change. And in doing so, you become a much better version of yourself and a better partner to your significant other in the new relationship or marriage. But when you turn a blind eye to your imperfections and try to find some other person to get into a relationship with. You end up in a marriage with the exact same problems or conflict you had in the previous one and nothing would change other than the name of your partner in the divorce certificate.
There is always a reason to do better and become a better version of yourself is a great way of starting.