Imagine this scenario. You meet a guy, and the sparks are crazy hot between both of you. It’s like he can’t keep his hands off you and you can’t do the same. The sex is equally phenomenal, the best you have ever had and he has told you the same thing too. But it is not just the sex and the instant attraction. He is also decent. He is a decent guy, with a good job and romantic. In fact, he is the Ken to your Barbie. Everything you have ever wanted in a man is in him. It feels like he is your soulmate. He knows how you really feel no matter how much you want to cover it up. He is always asking about you, if you have eaten, do you feel good, are you happy. He is that boyfriend that takes you out on planned romantic dinners and nurses you back to health when you are sick. He understands you on a basic level and is ever ready to make you happy. To top it all off, he is hot. Like really smoking hot. You can’t tell how you landed him, your dream guy, but you intend to keep him. You guys are strong together, and he is the one. Even your friends are so jealous. They want a man like yours and they are patiently waiting to be bridesmaids and then it happens. You feel it. That subtle shift in the air. Like the whisper of air that lifts the hair on the nape of your neck. It is a warning from your sixth sense, intuition, your instincts. Whatever it is, you know that something has changed. You can’t tell exactly what it is, but the wind of change has swept through your relationship bringing with it a chill like you have never felt before. Sometimes, you manage to convince yourself that everything really is fine and that your gut feeling is just broadcasting your insecurities. There really is nothing wrong, and you relax, happy that you were worrying about nothing and that is when all your peace is shattered.
Just when you have finally convinced yourself that everything is good with your relationship. That you have been worrying yourself about nothing. Then something happens to bring all your fears tumbling back, and this time the avalanche is too much for you to ignore, and although you do not want to accept the fact that things are not the same anymore, they truly aren’t, and what is worse, you know.
That is why you are here on this website. It is because you know the deep truth inside of you, but you do not want to face it. You are hoping against hope to see something different in this article. Some sort of explanation that would not align with what your gut is telling you. That he has lost interest in you. I get a lot of people who write wanting to know if their man has lost interest in them.
The funny thing is, they know. Just like a woman knows when a man has got the hots for her, she also knows when he has lost that interest in her. The only thing is that it takes her a long time to accept the fact that he had lost interest in her than it takes to accept that a guy is interested in her. So, writing to me is their last hope of hanging on to their illusions. It hurts, even more, when he not only loses his interest but he falls in love with someone else.
It can be shattering. You are left wondering what you did wrong and if there was a way that you could have done something to keep his interest. You feel confused and in total misery. It is hard to reconcile the man you have right now with the man you had before. The one who would have given anything, done anything for you. You begin to doubt yourself and feelings of inadequacy creep in. Maybe you were not good enough in bed or out of it. Perhaps you did something he could not forgive; maybe you lacked in one aspect, you really should have done something more. All these questions would keep churning over and over in your mind. Torturing you and doing a number on your self-esteem and self-confidence.
His loss of interest in you becomes a personal insult, and as much as you do not want it to be, there really is no other way to see it. You begin to feel angry with him. If he has lost his interest, why not let you know on time so you could leave, so you would not hurt this bad? It really is not as easy as you think for him to tell you simply because he does not just wake up one morning and realize that he has lost his interest in you. It is a gradual thing. It occurs in degrees until one day; there is no atom of interest left in him. It might take him a long while to realize it and then try to work through his feelings. Sometimes between a few weeks or even months but during this time, his actions would speak louder than words and that more than anything would clue you into the fact that he is losing his interest.
This article was not written to aid your delusions or to give you some sort of miracle cure that would restore his interest in you. No, this article was written to help you recognize the signs if your man is losing his interest and to solidify your fears so that you will know what to do. Continue reading to discover those signs that say that your man is losing his interest.
1. HE ALWAYS HAS AN EXCUSE TO AVOID SPENDING TIME WITH YOU.
Remember the scenario at the beginning of this article, you and your significant other were all over each other. He was very reluctant to spend any time away from you. I bet your friends were a bit peeved and cracked jokes about you guys being attached at the hip. You literally lived in each other’s pockets, and it was fun. It seemed as if the more time you spent with each other, the hungrier you became for each others company. It seemed to defy the rules. Your relationship was goals, and then one day, you realize that it has changed when you invite him over and he gives you one of those excuses you have been getting on the regular. If he is not finishing up something at the office, then he really needs to go to the gym, or he feels as if he is coming down with something. Sometimes, he is really tired and can’t make out the time. And on the really bad days, he needs some alone time. You are finding it really hard to accept these excuses because there was a time when he would blow off work for an evening of Netflix with you, and there were days when he missed out on his daily work out because he wanted to spend the morning with you. Days when even after long hours of work, he would somehow still make time for although he was dog tired. But these days, he gives the most ridiculous excuses to limit the time he spends with you. If you notice this, then he is definitely losing interest in you, and it is high time you accepted it because if he is giving you myriad reasons for which he can’t spend time with you, then it most probably means that he does not want to spend time with you.
2. IT SEEMS AS IF HE DOES NOT WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ANYMORE.
One of the characteristics of a guy who is interested in you is curiosity. He wants to know everything there is to know about you. From childhood stories to high school to college to your friends. He is a great man who has worked under the sun all day when it comes to you. He is thirsty for your stories no matter how insignificant it may be. He asks you questions a lot and generally spends most of the time trying to know about you. When he loses his interest in you, the reverse is sadly the case. It seems as if those stories bore him and he might react by not paying attention to you or by changing the topic of the conversation to something else. Other times he might not be able to recollect what you told him which means that he was not paying attention or he could look bored when you are talking. The message is clear enough, he does not want to hear anything about your life, it has become boring to him. He has lost his interest.
3. HE DOES NOT GLOW IN YOUR PRESENCE.
There is a certain aura that surrounds someone who is in a good relationship. It is a glow of perhaps happiness that just shows on their face and alerts everyone to the fact they this person is in a happy relationship. They always want to spend time with their significant other and never get tired of doing that. It is a noticeable and enviable glow that can make the single ones jealous. But when that glow is absent, it means that the person is not happy in that relationship and would like to have an out.
4. HE DOES NOT RESPOND TO YOUR TEXTS AS HE USED TO.
When your relationship was in that new, exciting stage, it was as if both of you were attached to your phones anytime you were not together. You chatted about everything and nothing. What mattered was that you were in constant communication, learning all about yourselves. If he has not heard from you for a while, he usually starts up a conversation because he wants any connection to you that he can have even if it is by phone. Same with the calls. Before he would call you not because he has anything to say to you but just because he wants to hear your voice. Your phone conversations especially those late night calls where both of you whisper and laugh in low tones about your days and any other thing that comes up will last for hours on end without both of you noticing the passage of time. You know he has lost his interest when he does not respond to your texts and when he does, he usually responds in monosyllables, or he responds after a long time which would deter you from having any long conversations with him. Communication with him becomes a bore and a lesson in hard work. It seems as if you have both lost your dynamic. He does not talk to you about his day like he used to do before, and neither does he share his dreams, goals, and plans with you almost like he is afraid to let you know that you no longer a part of his future. I can see other girls who have quiet men panicking. Don’t. Generally, men are not really good at texting as girls are and so they might answer in monosyllables too, but that does not mean that they do not care about you. If you suspect that he is has lost interest in your relationship, then watch all aspects of communication between you too. If the same problem pops up elsewhere, then you have your proof. He has lost his interest.
5. HE IS ALWAYS CAUSING A QUARREL.
When a guy is into you, I mean really interested in you, he will hate any form of quarrel between you. No matter what it has to take him, he would try to avoid it at all costs. And if you guys do fight over something, he would do his very best to see that you reconcile even if he has to apologize for something that was not his fault. But when he has lost interest in that relationship, a fight would be a normal thing. Having a peaceful week would be as rare as a blizzard in August. In fact, he would do his utmost best to provoke you. He will push your buttons every time so that you would flare up. The thing is, while you may not see it right now, they are actually trying to do you a favor. Instigating quarrels is the last resort of a man who wants to break up with a woman in the least painful way. No break up is painless, but it would hurt way less if you decide to break up with him because he has been so much of a jerk lately, always picking fights and you are better off without him. The thing is, he is trying to spare your feelings so that you would blame the break up on him and his annoying ways. After all, he had become a pain in the ass these days and you were done with it. He usually causes a fight by doing things that you hate such as leaving the toilet cover open, or he criticizes you in a harsh way or the just pushes your buttons, anything to make you flare up. Even if it does not seem so mature, you have to accept the fact that it is done to scare you more than hurt you. If everything with your man has been a fight lately, then he most probably is pushing you to break up with him because he had lost interest.
6. HE DOES NOT MAKE ANY EFFORT AT ROMANCE.
This is the same guy who put in a lot of time and money into organizing the most romantic dinner dates. This is the same man that would organize a picnic on a nice day in the summer and devote the whole day to you. All of your days with him used to be an adventure because he always put in so much effort, thought and planning into your dates. All of a sudden it just stops. He chats with you only when you initiate it, and if you don’t initiate it, then he will not reach out to you. The only phone conversations that you both have are terse and awkward after the pleasantries because you have nothing to say and soon even the phone calls stop. And whenever he occasionally takes you out, it does not feel as good as it used to be. That’s because he is done with wooing you. He is not interested anymore, and so has no desire to woo and court you with his attention. If he is not putting in enough effort to win you, then he is soon going to lose his interest soon.
7. THE RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT PROGRESS; IT RATHER GETS WORSE
It is normal that at the beginning of every relationship, things usually start up hot but as time goes on, things level. Instead of needing to be in each others presence 20 hours a day, it might reduce to about 10 to 15. Although you guys talk every day, it would not be all consuming. At this point, you will now be able to make out time for the friends that you had previously ignored in the newness of your relationship. You and your partner would still want to spend time with each other, but it would not be as intense a need as before. All of that is normal and does not indicate a loss of interest in the relationship. What does indicate a loss of interest in your relationship is when things not only level out, they begin to regress. It would look as if things are just leveling, but before you know it, you will notice that things are going downhill and fast. For example at first, you and your partner decided to take things slow and avoid labels even though the attraction between you was running hot. With the passing of time, he should have defined your relationship, and now you are getting antsy about things, but instead of allaying your fears and clearly defining your relationship, he pretends not to hear when you subtly bring it up in conversation. Or avoids that topic like the plague; always saying something like “we will talk about it later.” If you needed a sign to tell you that he has lost interest in you, then this is it. He does not want to define your relationship because he does not want to have one with you. For him, there is no future for that relationship, and he is probably looking for a way to get out of it. Even while you are anxious to define your relationship, you have to be careful about bugging him over it. Men do not like to be bugged especially when they are a bit commitment-shy, and that can bring a quick end to the relationship.
8. NO BEDROOM ACTION
The top 5 qualities of a good relationship for me include chemistry, understanding, respect, communication, and really good sex. I mean burning up the sheets sex. Sex is simply one of the physical means of showing care, interest and love for someone to whom you are attracted to sexually. If you and your partner are having sex, then it is a good gauge of the state of your relationship. So, if you suddenly notice that there has been no between the sheets action in a while, you should be rightfully worried especially when he is not sick. This could mean one of two things. One, he has lost total interest in you to the point that you no longer arouse him sexually or that he is getting it somewhere else. Both do also come to the same conclusion. He is not interested anymore in what you have to offer him. If sex used to be one of the most fundamental parts of your relationship, then it is over because if you lose the basic part of a relationship, then there really is no point continuing with that relationship. Even if you somehow manage to arouse him sexually and you both have sex, if he has lost interest in you and your relationship, the sex would not fix it.
9. HE ONLY SEEMS INTERESTED IN HAVING SEX WITH YOU, NOTHING MORE.
In as much as the conspicuous lack of sex is a red flag behavior that clues you to the fact that he is not interested, the abundance of sex can accomplish the same thing. At the beginning of this relationship when everything was rosy, and you guys could not keep your hands off each other, there was an abundance of sex right? But that abundance of sex was accompanied with romance, candlelit dinners, lots of after sex cuddling, true intimacy and sweet pillow talk. But now? Now you do not hear a peep from him in a week or more, and then you suddenly get a message from him at 10 pm asking if he could come over and you say yes. This is essentially a booty call, and it is a far cry from the romantic dinner and sex afterward. He comes over, and both of you go at each other like rabbits, and he leaves. You do not hear from him again until he needs a booty call. If this does not show that he is not interested in you anymore, then I don’t know what will. He might be staying just for the sex because maybe you both are explosive between the sheets, but that will not last if he is not interested in you outside the bedroom. He might stay with you because you are available to him whenever he needs sex, but one day, when he finds someone whom he is attracted to, he will leave you for her.
10. YOUR GUT FEELING SAYS HE ISN’T INTO YOU ANYMORE.
Like I said before, every girl has a built-in sensor that alerts us to the fact that a guy is interested in us and that same sensor lets us know when he has lost that interest. Nothing I would write in this article is more powerful than that gut feeling. Call it the sixth sense, intuition or instincts; it does not matter what it is. What matters is that it has clued you into the fact that it is over for him in your relationship. No other sign is greater than this one, and although you might not want to believe it or accept it, it is the bitter truth. Reading this article is a way for you to see it confirmed or debunked by someone else. The truth of the matter is that your relationship is over and the sooner you accept it, the better for you. It’s time for you to stop living in denial and face your fears because you know. You know within you that he has lost interest in you. You have stayed in denial far too long. It’s time to listen to your gut feeling. Pick yourself up and move on.
Just a final word. If your partner is not interested in you anymore, it does not mean that no other man will be interested in you no matter how much your mind tells you that. It only means that he is not the one. It was fun while it lasted, but you need to let it go because the faster you do that, the sooner the one will walk into your life.
I know it hurts because you have invested your time, energy and emotions into this relationship. You have done your best, but he really isn’t the one for you. When you finally settle down with the one for you, it would all be worth it.
I can imagine how you feel. Destroyed, sad and confused. You have so many questions running through your mind. It was so good at first. You guys had it going. You were relationship goals to those who knew you, and he was Mr. Perfect for you. So, how did everything go so wrong? I would tell you now that it is no fault of yours. It was not something you could have done or something you did not do. It wasn’t even because you lack something. It has nothing at all to do with you. He just isn’t Mr. Right for you, and that is why his interest has waned. You may feel too scalded to let yourself out there for now, but that’s okay. Mourn and grieve for it but always remember that out there is a man who is made solely for you. He will sweep you off your feet and never let you down again. He would never get tired of hearing all about you even if he has already heard that story a dozen times. He will fully appreciate who you are, warts and all and you will look back on this relationship and realize that what you have now is the counterfeit of what you deserve. What you will get.
No matter how hard it is for you to keep going, keep going. One step after another. You might be afraid that you are inadequate or that you would never measure up in the eye of another man but you will. Don’t let this one bad experience put you down. If you develop insecurities, then talk about them with someone. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Don’t let this relationship sour you for any other person. Date again, who knows he might be Mr. Right. Just keep getting better and improving yourself. You will be fine.